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Sitting on the bench with Jennifer, in relative silence, by the Charles, on a beautiful, nearly summer night, was very peaceful and enjoyable. Much of me was quite content to merely let the atmosphere of the evening continue to flow undisturbed, through and around me.

Another part of me, however, wanted to ask some further questions concerning how Jennifer felt or thought about various issues. As much as I wanted things to work out between us, I didn't relish waking up some morning, six months to a year down the line, only to discover there were some irreconcilable differences that might threaten our relationship.

I suppose one can never learn everything one would like before becoming involved with someone. In fact, generally speaking, one finds oneself emotionally involved first and, then, intentionally or otherwise, one begins to explore the unchartered territory of the other person's life, personality, temperament and so on.

Already, some very strong feelings of regard for, and attraction toward, Jennifer had permeated deeply into my heart, soul and mind. Perhaps, before we got too ensconced in one another's life, we had a duty of care to each other, as well as ourselves, to try to get as many issues as possible out in the open so we each might have a better opportunity to assess the situation and figure out what kind of a relationship might serve us best.

Even if the romantic possibilities didn't bloom, I liked Jennifer a lot. She was an intelligent person with integrity and heart.

I benefitted from being around her. I wouldn't want to lose close contact with her just because, for whatever reasons, romantic love didn't materialize.

Romance comes and goes. Real friendship, on the other hand, is a relatively rare commodity, both within, as well as outside of, romantic relationships.

In the best of all possible worlds, I would choose to have both romance and friendship. However, if forced to choose between having romance or friendship, romance, despite all its appealing qualities, would cross the line a distant second.

To me, romance seemed to have a tendency to be more unpredictable than reliable. In a storm-tossed relationship, romance was just as likely to slam the door of refuge in one's face as it was to invite one in.

With friendship not only was the door of refuge much more likely to be opened to one on a stormy night, but it seemed more likely than romance to organize search parties to go and try to find a lost soul under difficult circumstances. Friendship seemed less likely to disappear beneath the shifting cross-currents of emotion than appeared to be the case with romance.

Maybe, romance was too steeped in the kind of unrealistic, idealized expectations of other people which wilted when exposed to the inevitable heat of friction that arose in relationships. Friendship seemed to be, both more understanding of human limitations and differences, as well as more willing to accord the degrees of freedom necessary to heal the stress fractures which sometimes occur in friendships.

In any event, not knowing quite where my relationship with Jennifer might end up, I wanted to try to come to know her in a way that went beyond mere pieces of biographical data. Although some of these insights would only come indirectly, with time and across circumstances, some of what I was seeking might come more directly, merely by asking questions.

Among other things, I was interested in knowing how she interpreted the nature of womanhood and manhood. What did she believe was entailed by being a woman or man? Furthermore, what ramifications, if any, did her perspective have for the ways in which men and women interacted with one another, both in the context of a specific relationship, as well as in the context of society in general?

Considered from any number of perspectives, we lived in very confusing, unstable times. Nowhere, perhaps, was this more true than in the changing character of the manner in which women perceived both themselves as well as the relationship between women and men.

Individually and collectively, we have been undergoing transition in these matters for quite some time. Yet, no one appeared to know exactly where we stood amidst these changes or where it all was headed.

There were a lot of theories about the issue. However, theories are, at best, representations of some aspect of the truth, and not all representations accurately reflect the character of that to which the representation is attempting to make reference.

Although the turbulence had been bubbling all about me for some thirty-plus years, nevertheless, because of the way my life had unfolded, in a lot of ways, I had been out of the loop, so to speak, for much of that time. Dealing with the relationships between men and women on a theoretical, intellectual basis, is much different from having to consider the same issues when they are up close and personal.

I swallowed, mustered my courage and said: "Would irreparable damage be done to our relationship, if I were to raise the specter of the f-word?"

"That would depend on which f-word you had in mind," Jennifer indicated. "Let's see, there is: 'faith', 'fairness', 'fanaticism', 'fate', 'fear', 'feudalism', 'fission', 'fluoride', 'forbidden', 'frustration', 'freedom', and 'future'. Am I getting warm with any of these?"

"Well, actually, you are," I replied. "The f-word I had in mind, at least based on my experience, is sort of a combination of certain elements of all the things that you mentioned."

Jennifer appeared to be thinking about the items in the list of possibilities which she had mentioned. A smile appeared on her lips.

"Ahh!" she exclaimed, "I think you are referring to feminism. Is that right?"

"I'm afraid so," I admitted.

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