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"Hi!
Jennifer, it's David. Sorry, for bothering you, but..."
She cut me
off with: "Don't be silly, David. I'm not feeling bothered at all."
"Well,
after you hear what I have to say, maybe your feelings will change," I cautioned her.
She
responded with an: "Oh!?". It seemed to be both an exclamation and a question.
"I'm
pretty terrible at this kind of thing," I confessed, "so I hope you'll forgive
my lack of social graces."
"I'll
do my best," she promised.
"Would
you be interested in going out...you know...on a...ahh... a date." My brain felt like
it was turning to jelly.
"That
didn't strike me as lacking in social graces, David, but we may have to work on your
enunciation and delivery."
"You're
not going to make this easy for me... are you?" I said with semi-mock
disconsolateness.
"Struggle
is the anvil on which character is forged," she replied.
"What,
do you have a book of quotable quotes in front of you, just waiting to terrorize poor
unfortunates like myself with the casually discarded bon mot?" I challenged.
"David,
how can you possibly feel you are lacking in social graces when you slip in French
expressions with such savoir faire," she countered.
"If
sprinkling my conversation with clever French witticisms is the key to my admission into
the world of social graces, I'm afraid I'm destined to be standing on the barbarian side
of the entrance for quite some time," I confessed.
"In
fact," I added, "I'm pretty certain my French language disability probably
played a significant role in Quebec's desire to separate from Canada. My lack of
linguistic skills proved to be such an embarrassment to both English-speaking and
French-speaking Canadians I became persona non grata and was asked by the Federal
government to leave Canada for the sake of national unity.
"Unfortunately,
the Québécois separatists considered this gesture on the part of the Federal government
to be too little, too late. Being responsible, at least potentially, for the break-up of a
country is a very tough burden to try to bear sometimes."
"Although,"
Jennifer said, "I suspect you are suffering from a serious case of memory
confabulation, having you slip into depression simply won't do. I guess I'll be forced to
accept your invitation. This course of treatment probably will be easier than trying to
drag you in from some office ledge."
"Since
you put it like that," I said, with what I hoped was the right amount and touch of
pathos, "maybe I should run with your obvious empathy for the situation, and ask
about your availability for tomorrow night."
"Here
at the Distress Center, we try to be as accessible as possible for those in need,"
she informed me. "What did you have in mind?"
I was sort
of unprepared for having to come up with an actual plan of action. I hemmed and hawed a
little, and, then, kind of blurted out: "Why not take a walk along the Charles and
sort of play it by ear?"
"Apparently,
we have graduated from office ledges to the murky waters of the Charles," she
observed. "This outing appears to be fraught with peril."
"If you
keep your distance from me," I suggested, "I believe you'll be alright. I'll try
to slip below the surface in a splash-less fashion."
"What
time does the show get under way?" she inquired.
"If
possible," I stipulated, "I usually like to jump before 8:00 p.m.. The currents
are more favorable at that time. Consequently, if I were to pick you up around 7:30, I
think I could still make my window of opportunity."
"Sounds
exciting," she exclaimed. "I'm looking forward to it."
"I find
considerable satisfaction in knowing that my impending demise is eliciting such
anticipation," I announced. "Are you sure you can control yourself between now
and then?"
"I
could say," Jennifer remonstrated, "that: 'Struggle is the anvil on which
character is forged', but, somehow it seems so cliched. Instead, I'll just run through a
few anxiety reduction exercises and hope I make it."
"Ahh...Jennifer,"
I said hesitantly, "there is one other thing."
"Yes?"
she said, in a tone of voice that suggested she might be about to hear the other shoe
drop.
"Where
do you live?" I asked.
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