Why? and Never Again
There were several points raised in a recent contribution to the Group which touch upon important matters. For example, the person indicated that he or she was disinclined to ever, again, be part of a silsilah or take initiation with a spiritual guide as a result of the experiences that individual had in a particular context of spiritual abuse.
This is quite understandable, and, indeed, in view of the times in which we live, the sad truth of our predicament is that finding an authentic Sufi shaykh is becoming more and more difficult. Many people claim to be spiritually legitimate and authorized agents of this or that silsilah, but few of them are.
Differentiating between the real deal and its counterfeit imitators in this regard, entails a variety of difficulties which, often times, seems unresolvable for the vast majority of us. There is a wealth of information available about, at least, the outer, structural character of the mystical path, and almost anyone with a few well-chosen books, a little intelligence, a serviceable memory, and a certain amount of chutzpah knows how to imitate, at least, the surface trappings of a spiritual teacher.
If one throws in a modicum of charm, theatrical leanings, charisma, self-confidence, talent, story-telling ability, cleverness, and exposure to how the world works, then the task of trying to identify the skunk in the woodpile becomes even more confusing (unless, of course, the skunk releases a telling odor which happens when alleged teachers get caught in one scandal or another). Furthermore, if the fraudulent teacher is a sociopath, or a narcissistic personality, and is, therefore, untroubled by the damage he or she does to other people, then, people are not seen as human beings by such an individual but rather as 'objects' to be manipulated, exploited, used, controlled, toyed with, lied to, deceived, and disposed of when their usefulness has been exhausted, and, consequently, in such cases, the absence of a conscience -- when this absence is properly disguised or hidden or re-framed -- makes detection of the presence of spiritual deception that much more difficult.
In addition, some of these fraudulent teachers have mastered techniques of: Ericksonian-like hypnosis, trance induction, neural linguistic programming, group dynamics, snapping, speaking in rhythms which render the brain very susceptible to suggestion, compliance entrainment, undermining self-esteem or self-trust, using doubt, ambiguity, and paradox to both short-circuit logical analysis as well as evade scrutiny, consensual validation, isolation from family and support group, social influence, and mis-direction, to further muddy the waters of clear vision when it comes to telling the difference between a charlatan and a legitimate teacher. And, anyone who supposes that he or she would not be vulnerable to the application of such techniques by a spiritual fraud who knows the nature of such techniques, really is whistling past the cemetery.
Finally, fraudulent teachers tend to be seekers of information -- as opposed to mystical knowledge -- which is used to exploit various vulnerabilities in potential victims in order to control the latter and to make them more compliant, obedient and the like. Such spiritual charlatans like to be at the center of all exchanges of information in order to be able to ensure that they control the nature, direction, and uses of data flow within the group, between the group and the outside world, as well as and between the so-called teacher and the would-be spiritual seeker -- in fact, those alleged mystical teachers who are quite adept at controlling the flow and quality of information are often able to make themselves look like they have extraordinary psychic powers, when nothing of the sort may be true.
On the other hand, a few of these fraudulent teachers do possess -- at least, in my opinion, and this is based on what I believe I have experienced in certain instances, as well as credible people with whom I have interacted -- elements of worldly kashf (unveiling) which involves, to some degree that varies from individual to individual, the ability to, among other things, read minds, project thoughts, see some events at a distance, and induce certain altered states of consciousness in other individuals. Such worldly kashf is not the same as -- or an indication, that the individual who shows evidence of such psychic abilities has any degree of -- spiritual kashf which is the only thing of importance to the mystical path -- indeed, the possession of worldly kashf is often treated by authentic spiritual teachers as a distraction from, and dangerous threat to, the real business of the spiritual path.
The presence of all, or any significant combination of the foregoing techniques, characteristics, and forces makes identifying the possible existence of spiritual fraud in any given case a very, very difficult proposition. Not all spiritual charlatans are buffoons -- some are extremely clever at camouflaging things in such a way that they often are able to afford themselves escape routes of plausible deniability which leaves people guessing, wondering and uncertain as to whether they are being conned, exploited and abused.
People may leave because they dislike what is going on, or due to the way they feel as a result of the subtle, indirect criticism which always seems to be in the air with respect to people who don't do as they are expected to, or because of the constant cloud of pressure toward conformity which tends to envelop relationships within the group, or for various other reasons, but, more often than not, if they have not left in response to a specific instance of, say, sexual exploitation, they are going to leave under a cloud of uncertainty about what really was going on in that group or with that teacher. They may get on with their lives, but along the horizons of consciousness, there are a lot of unanswered questions.
A person’s reluctance to become involved with anything related to the Sufi Path makes sense in the light of such experience. I, too -- given the nature of my own experiences in this respect, have developed a healthy -- God willing -- amount of skepticism when it comes to all of the alleged Sufi teachers and groups which are clamoring for attention these days and wish to be considered as the purveyors of authentic spiritual tradition, both in North America and elsewhere in the world.
However, I also believe that these false guides are knowingly, or unknowingly, serving the agenda of Iblis. The deepest, most fervent wish of Iblis is to see human beings abandon their potential for spiritual realization -- after all, this is the promise which Iblis made to God after being cast out from being able to associate with the angels due to his refusal to prostrate before the one in whom the vicegerency had been invested; Iblis asked for respite from Allah in order to ambush human beings and sway them from the sirat-ul-mustaqueen, the straight path, and the straight path encompasses a lot more than just the basics of Islam which many people pursue for purposes of attaining Paradise or avoiding Hell.
I may never find an authentic spiritual guide again. Maybe, my first guide who was not a fraud and who was not abusive, exploitive, or manipulative -- unlike my subsequent choice who was -- is going to constitute the sum total of the mystical guidance which I will receive in life -- that he is all which my rizq (Divinely allotted portion) permits.
Nevertheless, I also do not intend to, God willing, let some miserable excuses for human beings -- that is, people who have betrayed and corrupted their own spiritual potential, as false spiritual teachers have done -- take permanent root in my life by continuing to control me through inducing so much confusion, fear, anxiety, hurt, frustration, and depression to enter my mind, heart, and soul, that I never want to consider such possibilities again. To my way of thinking, this just permits the abuse to continue on unabated.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) has counseled us to avoid the errors of the right and the left, and that the middle way is the golden mean. If I am too vulnerable and willing to follow the next greatest spiritual presence since sliced bread, who comes along, then, I likely will be committing one kind of error, but if I give up the quest altogether, I think this -- at least for me -- would be another kind of error.
The precise character of the middle way is not easy to identify. I don't have any magical solutions to offer people who have been spiritually abused as you, your husband and other people in this group have, but struggling toward developing patience and a readiness to take advantage of a genuine opportunity, should it arise, may be a prudent thing to do -- as some of the people in the Native communities like say, keeping an opening in our circles, gatherings and personal lives through which constructive possibility might enter into our midst, seems like a wise thing to do.
No one but Allah can grant success in any venture we might undertake. All we can do is to seek, aspire, struggle, and strive -- “O man! surely you must strive (to attain) to your Lord, a hard striving until you meet Him.” (Qur’an 84:6) –– this is the essence of real jihad ... the jihad of personal transformation. And, all we can do is, God willing, to try according to our capacity to do so -- we should neither over-estimate our spiritual wherewithal, nor underestimate it, and much of life is spent trying, via the trial and error of experience, to learn just where we fit into things in relation to such God-given potential.
Allah says: “And (as for) those who strive hard for Us, We will most certainly guide them in Our ways; and Allah is most surely with the doers of good.” (29:69) Elsewhere, the Qur’an indicates: “and helping the believers is ever incumbent on Us.”(Qur’an 30:47) So, if we learn how to strive hard for Allah, to be doers of good, and to believe, as best we can, God has given a promise of assistance and guidance.
As to why there are people who spend their lives attempting to manipulate, exploit, control, hurt, deceive, abuse, undermine, mislead, and lead people astray from the truth, the fact of the matter is there is a perverse pleasure associated with being a conduit for evil to which the unredeemed nafs is very attracted and by which it is easily seduced. When one adds the whisperings of Iblis -- who is the original prototype for a false spiritual guide ... someone that is fiendishly clever, constantly creative in a destructive way, and totally entangled in delusions of one kind or another –– as well as the hypnotic call of dunya, then, one begins to appreciate the fact that evil is made to become fair seeming in the eyes, minds and hearts of those who are eager to rebel and transgress against their own spiritual potential –– “Thus does Allah set a seal over the heart of every proud, haughty one.” (Qur’an 40:35)
Such people rejoice in the machinations of the nafs. Such people derive joy in the illusory. Such people treat existence as a game and as sport. Such people are constantly forgetting that God said: “What, did you think that We created you only for sport?” (Qur’an 23:115) The enkephalins and endorphins of such people flow, and their mouths salivate, when the thought of doing evil –– which has been made fair seeming to them –– enters their minds and hearts.
Therefore, be thankful that, by the Grace of Allah, the sort of evil which delights in doing harm to others and spiritually oppressing them is alien to you and, consequently, seems largely inexplicable. May Allah continue to keep you in this condition.
Finally, the issue of exit counseling or extracting people from a spiritually abusive is a very complex issue. In some cases, there is nothing which can be done, except to pray for the ones who continue to be kept in abusive shackles and to, as well, maintain a distance from such individuals. In other cases, there are steps which can be taken, but a great deal of effort, planning, and co-ordination is necessary for, God willing, success to be achieved without violating human made laws or transgressing beyond the allowable boundaries which have been established by Divinity.
Whether, in any given case, one should keep one's distance and pray, or one is, instead, dealing with individuals where remedial steps might be effectively taken, really varies from situation to situation and person to person. There are many problems and dangers surrounding the issue of intervention -- not only for the people who would seek to intervene, but, as well, with respect to those for whom intervention may be deemed to be desirable.
This group has been established to help people develop a greater insight, God willing, into different dimensions of the phenomenon of spiritual abuse, especially as this relates to the Sufi path. The exchange of experiences, concerns, questions, suggestions, reflections, and so on which takes place through this group have, hopefully, an educational value, and the dissemination of this kind of learning within the group, and, perhaps, beyond our current horizons, is intended to take people one step in the direction of trying to apprize more and more individuals about the dangers which exist in conjunction with the prevalence of spiritual charlatans who live amongst us –– and, maybe, at some point in time, people who are being spiritually abused may, God willing, find their way here and benefit from what is said or benefit from the learning which our members take away with them when they return to the non-virtual world.
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