Interstitial Space
Your questions (e.g. What does a person do after one leaves and recovers from a spiritually abusive teacher and/or group? In what direction should one travel? Are there any positive dimensions to such experiences? How does one avoid making the same mistake in the future?) are all good ones and do not readily yield answers -- at least, answers that are easy to grasp and put into practice. This interstitial realm -- the existential space within which one exists after one has discovered that a so-called shaykh is not who he or she pretends to be, and before one has found one's way to an authentic guide -- is a very difficult, problematic, yet, extremely important time in a seeker's life.
In order not to make the same mistake twice, one must be extra cautious and realize the importance of taking a good critical look before one makes a leap in faith to another shaykh or some other silsilah. At the same time, you also are quite right that one cannot walk the path alone -- one needs the help of an authentic teacher. Moreover, if one puts off, for too long, the making of a decision concerning how to proceed in relation to the spiritual path because of having been betrayed previously and not wishing for this to occur again, then, life passes us by, and the opportunity for spiritual development is lost, and, in the process, the purpose of life, to a significant degree, remains fallow.
Whichever way one looks at the issue, the stakes are substantial. The ramifications of the decisions we make in this regard color and shape eternity.
There are many positive, constructive themes which are given expression through the realization of having been betrayed by an alleged shaykh. The first benefit, painful though it is, comes in the form of the very realization that is the source of our heartache -- for, if God had not shown us the fraudulence of the so-called guide, we would have remained lost and not even understood the precarious nature of our situation ... without such realization, our comfort zone might have been much, much, higher, but we would have been living in an illusory, delusional zone of comfort. Truly, as the Qur'an indicates, we may dislike a thing which is good for us and like that which is not.
A second benefit of spiritual betrayal is that one has a much better idea of how to approach things the next time around. The value of experience is that we have the chance to learn from it and to re-work our game plan for life in the light of what we learn through such experience -- both in ease, as well as difficulty.
A third theme which arises out of an encounter with a spiritual charlatan is that we come to understand ourselves, other people, and the great issues of life much more clearly, deeply, and intensely. No longer is our insight into some of the dangers and pitfalls of the path merely theoretical.
Our insight is rooted in having lived through something, and not just in having read about it or heard about it. Moreover, we come to understand that all real learning comes with a cost associated with it -- a cost which is paid for in struggle, pain, and difficulty, but no one who ever went very far on the Sufi Path has ever been able to avoid such things -- Allah has made this a spiritual law of existence.
A further benefit of having to deal with the aftermath of betrayal at the hands of a false spiritual teacher is that one has an opportunity to develop greater humility, compassion, patience, and perspective concerning other people. In addition, one has a great chance to practice -- rather than just pay lip service to -- forgiveness, tolerance, nobility, and steadfastness ... although, again, none of these things come easily or swiftly, nor should anyone expect otherwise ... all of this must be worked through, but in working through such problems, one begins to gain sight of the Grace which is at work and which has not only made one's struggle necessary, but possible ... the combination of jalal and jamal which is present in all of life.
A person who can struggle is a person who is still alive, who still longs, who still has himma (spiritual aspiration), who still has hope and opportunity with respect to the purpose of life. A person who has been taken by the hand through Allah's Grace and brought to the devastating realization of spiritual abuse having been perpetrated, is being told that Divinity has something else in store for one -- something better, for the Sufi masters have long taught that Allah never takes away anything from the believing soul without replacing that which has been 'lost' with something which is spiritually better for the individual.
In the Day of "Alastu bi rabikkum" (am I not your Lord?) God is issuing a challenge to the spirits who are being addressed in pre-eternity. Will you recognize me as your Lord in all matters, no matter how I might be disguised, and under all circumstances, both easy and difficult? Will you love me no matter what? Will you accept My will for your rizqh (which includes spiritual capacity)?
When we encounter spiritual abuse, the behavior deserves condemnation because it enters the world through the corrupted niyat or intention of a misguided soul -- namely, the false teacher. However, the Purpose underlying the reason for such behavior being permitted to exist in this world is pure Divinity, and we need to remember this distinction.
Nothing in life is random. Everything is ordered, and in accordance with Allah's Divine Himma for Creation in general, and human beings in particular.
God is not malicious. But Divinity is rigorous, exacting, and relentless in allowing the purpose of Creation to run its course, and our task is to learn how to swim in the storm swept seas of Divine purpose.
Anyone who has become entangled in the cross-currents of spiritual abuse is being given a swimming lesson in life. We are being tossed into the deep end of the pool and told: "Swim", and, yet, we need to have faith that Divinity is providing us with help to stay afloat and learn what we need to in order to make our way through the Ocean.
If we choose not to learn how to swim or if we lose faith that, despite surface appearances, God is present and lending buoyancy to our survival -- spiritual and otherwise -- then, we must understand that our choices run contrary to what is in our own best interests. If we choose to do this, then, we are free to do so, but this is not what Divinity wishes for us, but how we have decided to use the freedom which Divinity has bequeathed us.
When in this interstitial space -- this in-between realm between false teachers and authentic teachers -- issues of association become very important. Who we seek out to spend time with during this interim period can have a huge impact (both constructive and destructive) on one's life.
Find people who are going to help one keep the embers of faith alive. Spend time with people who will help one to reflect on life and the Sufi Path in a critical, realistic, and balanced fashion. Keep the company of people who have not permitted spiritual betrayal to reduce them to cynical, bitter, shells of existence. Interact with people who have empathy, compassion, and understanding concerning the subtleties, intricacies, and ups and downs of recovery from spiritual abuse. Associate with individuals who are trying to prepare themselves to be ready for the right spiritual opportunity should it arise, and who have faith that one who puts her or his trust in Allah will never be disappointed, no matter how things may turn out, for Allah's pride is such that Divinity cannot stand to let down someone who has placed all one's trust in Divine Grace and, yet, is willing to struggle in the mean time to help himself or herself.
The Qur'an tells us not to think of those who are slain in the way of Allah as dead (3:169-170). The 'way of Allah' is to struggle toward the truth according to one's individual capacity to do so, and, consequently, if one is slain by Divinity while sincerely and actively engaged in this quest for truth, then, one dies in the way of Allah, and such a death resonates deeply with the purpose of life.
Our goal in life is not to become the next Rumi, Ibn al-Arabi, Hafiz, Ghazali, Muinuddin Chishti, Ahmad Sirhindi, and so on. The goal of life is to seek to become who we have the God-given capacity to be.
During the aforementioned interstitial space of life (that is, the period following the discovery that a so-called ‘teacher’ is a spiritual fraud, but prior to the appearance of a genuine silsilah), we need to actively wait for an authentic teacher to come along. And, by "actively wait", I mean doing whatever we can in the way of good works (both obligatory and voluntary) to demonstrate our sincerity of purpose in relation to issues and principles of truth.
In truth, this is all we can do -- and, even this cannot be realized on one's own. The rest we must leave to Allah to decide in whatever way Divinity pleases, and we must work to be ready to accept whatever this decision for our lives may be and swim with these currents, not against them.
Listen with closed eyes and an open heart (that is, without expectations or presuppositions) to the Divine movement within one's life and being. Seek to learn to discern the difference between, on the one hand, the movements of nafs, dunya, Iblis or the chatter of unbelief, and, on the other hand, the resonance of heart and spirit with the presence of Divinity in one's life. Be patient and hopeful, but do not abandon the struggle to learn how to swim -- for struggle comes by the ordinance of God, and nothing in life is achieved without struggle.
| Return to Spiritual Abuse Menu |
|
