The Grieving Process - Part Two
Some people will look at the spiritually abused mystical wanna-be and become puzzled. They will ask: 'Why do you feel such a sense of loss? Nothing has been lost. The pillars of Islam are there, the basic beliefs, and many facets of Shari'ah are clear cut (within permissible degrees of variation).' Then, they will recite such verses as: "Say: He is my Lord; there is no God save Him. In Him do I put my trust and unto Him is my recourse." (13:30) Or, "True believers are only those who have faith in Allah and the Messenger of Allah and have left doubt behind, and who strive hard in Allah's cause with their possessions and their lives. They are the one's who are sincere." (49:15) Or, "And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then, surely, I am near. I answer the prayer of the supplicant who cries unto Me. So, let them hear My call and let them trust Me in order that they may be led aright." (2:186)
Putting one's trust in Allah, hearing the call, becoming open to being led aright, understanding the manner in which prayers are answered, making Divinity one's recourse, having faith in Allah and the Messenger, leaving doubt behind, striving hard in Allah's cause, knowing what that cause is, being sincere -- these are spiritual stations of considerable difficulty. One may start the journey with the basic pillars and beliefs, but things do not end there, and to learn how to proceed beyond the basics is nothing to trifle with, as is clearly indicated by the aforementioned warning of Hazrat 'Ali concerning those who would step onto the mystical way without benefit of a spiritual guide clearly indicates.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: "This world is prohibited to the people of the next world, and the next world is forbidden to the people of this world, and they are both forbidden to the people of Allah." The people of Allah are: "Those who spend their wealth for increase in self-purification, and have in their minds no favor from anyone for which a reward is expected in return, but only the desire to seek for the Countenance of their Lord Most High (Qur'an 92:18-20) And, again: "Say: Surely, my prayer and my service of sacrifice, my life and my death are all for Allah, the Lord of the worlds." (Qur'an 6:162)
We have not been brought into this world either for the sake of this world or for the sake of Paradise. In fact, to try to claim that the entire purpose of Creation, the seven heavens, the different realms from Nasut to Bahut, the Divine Names and Attributes, the dimensions of the soul -- from mind to aqfah -- the essential Self, the 124,000 Prophets, the awliya of God, the seven levels of the Qur'an, the billions of galaxies, the extraordinary spectrum of species, both known and unknown, as well as the intricacies and mysteries of realms beyond the subtleties of sub-atomic physics -- which we don't even grasp with any clarity (for example, no one, yet, knows how a particle can, apparently, simultaneously, be both a wave or particle) -- can all be reduced down to being a function of seeing who gets to go to heaven and who goes to hell seems rather absurd and laughable ... if for no other reason than that such a scenario reduces everything down to being about humankind, in general, rather than Divinity - especially, in light of the fact that the rest of creation actually came into being on, or through, the coat tails, so to speak, of the Muhammadan Haqiqah or Reality. Being is not about human kind, it is about Divinity, and human kind is but one of the manifestations - special though this may be - to which Being gives expression.
I have no doubt there is a heaven and that there, also, is a hell. I have no doubt there are many levels to each. I have no doubt that both realms will be populated with selected representatives from human kind and jinn. I have no doubt they are eternal. What I doubt is that the question: "What are heaven and hell?" is the appropriate response to give to the Divine version of Jeopardy which seeks to probe the purpose of Creation in the Metaphysical Issues Category.
Indeed, one might very well maintain that to observe Islam for the sake of Paradise or for the sake of pleasing Divinity in order to gain Paradise is, actually, to seek something other than Allah -- and, as some Sufi has said: 'even Paradise is a prison for the lover of God', and the Prophet (peace be upon him) has said: "There is no peace for a believer other than in meeting one's Lord."
If one likes, one may interpret the latter Hadith to mean that a believer will not find peace until the Day of Judgment has arrived and the reward of Paradise has been granted, but there are those blessed Sufi masters who, by the Grace of Allah, have met their Lord here, in this life, and quite apart from any considerations of the Day of Judgment or Paradise. The prayer of Ra'bia of Basra was: "Oh Lord, if I worship Thee out of desire for Paradise, then, deny me Paradise, and if I worship Thee out of fear of Hell, then throw me into Hell, but if I worship Thee out of love for Thee and Thee alone, then, grant me Thy vision."
The Prophet (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: "The one who knows one's soul, know's one's Lord." Knowing one's soul is not primarily about knowing the nature of heaven and hell -- although such understanding may form part of this knowledge. Knowing one's soul is, essentially, about realizing the unique, spiritual capacity of a human being to experientially bear witness to, as well as to serve as loci of reflective expression for, the Hidden Treasure which is Divinity.
According to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): "Every child is born according to a primordial nature (fitra)." This fitra is the human capacity to come to know the Divine Hidden Treasure, and through such knowledge, give expression to essential worship of Divinity, for, as the Qur'an indicates: "I have not created human beings nor jinn except that they may worship Me." (51:56-57)
Many people say that they do things solely for the sake of Allah. However, realizing this spiritual station is very, very difficult. One has to be taught how to do this, and when one discovers that the individual whom one believed was, by the Grace of Allah, capable of assisting one in this regard is, in actuality, a spiritual abusive fraud, then, one has lost something, potentially, which is extremely rare and precious -- the help of a friend of God ... someone who, himself or herself, knows the nature of the journey, its difficulties, its ups and downs, and who, by the Grace of God has been invested with the responsibility of helping people realize the meaning of the Hadith Qudsi which indicated that "I was a Hidden Treasure Who loved to be known."
The Qur'an states: "...whosoever believes in Allah and the Last Day and does right, there shall be no fear upon them, neither shall they grieve." (5:69) The question is: how to believe properly and how to do right -- issues which are in great dispute among theologians, philosophers, terrorists, imams, mullahs, academics, and a proliferation of alleged Sufi circles headed by people among whom there are many spiritual charlatans -- indeed, there are many people in North America, and elsewhere, who do not even realize the extent or the nature of the abuse which is being perpetrated on them because they have not, yet, realized that their alleged guide may not be an authentic shaykh.
The foregoing is a warning, not a specific accusation. There are some legitimate spiritual guides here and there -- although this number is diminishing more and more as we head toward the Latter Days.
However, there also are many false teachers claiming to be shaykhs ---- and this number is increasing as we head toward the Latter Days. Over the last 30 years, I have come into contact with a number of these individuals -- including one with whom I took ba'yat.
Distinguishing between authenticity and its counterfeit is a very difficult challenge for someone who is seeking to find an individual with whom to entrust the spiritual well-being of one's soul, and one should not necessarily feel secure just because one has found someone who claims to be a teacher. I do know something of what I am speaking about here, since, for a considerable period of time, I felt secure, safe, and happy in terms of my affiliation with such a teacher until, by the Grace of Allah, the truth of the situation began to surface concerning that man.
I have no wish to undermine anyone's relationship with a legitimate teacher, nor do I have any desire to introduce doubts where none are warranted. Nonetheless, false teachers do exist, and people are being spiritually damaged by such individuals, and detecting or assessing the nature of this damage, is often very difficult to do since not all fraudulent spiritual guides come in the form of a Jim Jones or Charles Manson -- instances where the evil which is being perpetrated has such monstrous, and readily observable consequences. Sometimes the evil that is being done is a lot more subtle and assumes a pleasant, friendly, entertaining, intelligent, talented, knowledgeable, charismatic, and seemingly caring disguise.
Grieving is an appropriate response to the realization of spiritual abuse, because one's trust has been betrayed and, in the process, one has become estranged -- at least, temporarily -- from the sort of help which is necessary to seek the truth and to realize the truth about one's essential identity and one's purpose in life. One is brought face to face with the stark realization that: "We raise by grades (of Mercy) whom we will, and over every lord of knowledge, there is one more knowing," (Qur'an 29:45) and, therefore, there is no guarantee that such Mercy will ever be extended to one, or that one will ever again be introduced to an authentic lord of knowledge who will be able to assist one complete, God willing, a spiritual quest to which one aspires.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: "Everything lives and develops in accordance with that for which it has been created." The Qur'an indicates: "None of us are there but who have a known station," (37:164) and while the surface context of the ayat refers to angels, in truth, each one of us has a known spiritual capacity or station.
To grasp that existence has depths which, simultaneously, include and transcend the basics of Islam, to understand that, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) has said: "The root of all prayers is renunciation of the world, and love of the world is the root of all mischief," to accept the words of the Prophet (peace be upon him) when he said: "Prayer is: service, drawing closer, and joining," to believe that the purpose of Creation is not to attain Paradise but to come to know the Hidden Treasure to which Divinity gives expression, to feel the himma or aspiration which seeks to realize the spiritual capacity or fitra which, along with everything else, is embraced by Divine Mercy and Knowledge (cf. Qur'an, 40:7), and to realize that God, himself, has indicated that there will be winners and losers in this Divine passion play, then, when one experiences spiritual abuse, this gives one considerable pause for thought as to where one's spiritual destination is fated to be, and if one takes any of the foregoing, great issues of life seriously and believes, as all Muslims do, that we only get one kick at the can here on Earth, then, there is a great deal to grieve about under such circumstances, and there is a great deal of work that needs to be done to struggle through that grief and seek a healing grace so that one can again begin to strive toward grasping the meaning of the Prophet's counsel when he is reported to have said: "The right and the left are both ways of error, and the straight path is the middle way."
Some commentators have said that the errors of the right and the left involve acts of omission and commission. What to do, what not to do, but given the depths of the Qur'an, even if one were to accept this characterization, learning what to do extends through Shari'ah, into Tariqah and Haqiqah, as well. Learning the middle way, the way of perfect balance requires the teaching of a sacred scientist and artist, and when one realizes that one has been living under an illusion in this respect, there is a natural tendency to grieve before 'picking oneself up, dusting oneself off, and starting all over again'.
As pointed out throughout the foregoing comments, at the heart of one's sense of loss vis-a-vis a fraudulent spiritual guide is the essential disconnection one feels in relation to spiritual authenticity. There are, however, other facets of the situation to grieve.
Oftentimes, one will have established close, intimate friendships and relationships from among the people who have gathered around a fraudulent spiritual teacher. When one disengages -- or tries to -- from an abusive set of circumstances, one often does so alone, and the circle of friends and relationships which have been forged over the years and through whom one has derived a great deal of emotional, intellectual, social, and spiritual support disappears.
The loss of support, spiritual comradery, relationships, familiar social surroundings, and friendships can feel very alienating, lonely, and depressing. All of these aspects of spiritual life can lead to a deep sense of loss when they dissolve with one's attachment to a false spiritual guide.
Such loss is aggravated by one's concern about the spiritual welfare of such individuals, and this often is mixed with the frustration, disappointment and anger one may feel when such long-time friends choose to disbelieve the evidence which is placed in front of them. Being able to say -- "Well, I tried, but they just wouldn't listen" -- is small consolation when one knows that these people are being left in harm's way ... nor does one find much satisfaction in saying: "If they don't want to listen, then, they will get what they deserve," especially when one recalls such Quranic ayats as: "If Allah were to take humankind to task for their wrong-doing, God would not leave on Earth a living creature...." (16:61)
There are those who look at the whole spiritual abuse issue in a rather Pollyannic manner (cf. the stories of Eleanor H. Porter whose heroine Pollyanna always finds good in everything) and would seem to want everyone to believe that nothing bad has happened and that everything will work out just fine and, don't worry, an authentic teacher will show up when things are right. Undoubtedly, such people would go to someone who has just lost one's family, or who's house has been destroyed, or who has been raped, molested, violently assaulted, seriously injured, lost one's family, rendered a quadriplegic, or what not, and say: "Are we having fun yet?"
If pain were not meant to be felt, the Prophet (peace be upon him) would not have cried when his children died. If pain were not real, there would be no need for compassion. If everything were going to work out just dandy no matter what, there would have been no need for revelation or Prophets or spiritual guidance or tasawwuf.
The existential stakes are very high. The risks are very real. The dangers are substantial.
There are reasons why Divinity said: "We did not create the heavens and earth and all that is between them in play." (Qur'an 44:38) Life is serious business.
Although everything will turn out the way Allah wishes, not everything will necessarily turn out the way we wish or hope for. There is accountability. There is responsibility. There are consequences.
There are things about which to be concerned. There is a reason why the Prophet (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: "Every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned about that which you are guarding," and, as well, "Every person who rises in the morning either does that which will be the means of one's redemption or one's spiritual ruin."
There was a person who came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and asked: "Is it true what I have heard -- that God forgives all sins, even murder and adultery?" The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Yes." The individual who had asked the question was quiet for a moment, and, then, with somewhat greater incredulity said: "Even murder and adultery?" And, again, the Prophet (peace be upon him) answered: "Yes, even murder and adultery." The man listened to the response, was quiet a while longer, and, then, said, even more forcefully and with greater incredulity than before: "Even murder and adultery?" to which the Prophet replied: "Yes, even if so-and-so (the name of the person asking the question) does not agree."
Yet, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) also is reported to have said: "If a believer's fear and hope were to be weighed, they would balance." We have hope in God's mercy, love, compassion, and forgiveness, but the fact of the matter is we cannot reduce God down to just a few Names and Attributes. The Divine reality is far too complex for that, and the Divine purpose is far subtler than we might suppose -- in fact, the nature of reality is so complex and so subtle that God sent Prophets revelation, and spiritual guides to help sort out a set of issues which none of us would be able to do on our own.
People may feel that they have got the Divine mystery all figured out. There have been many people, down through history, who have believed this -- people who forgot that "And they planned and Allah (also) planned, and Allah is the best of planners." (Qur'an 3:54) and "To Allah belongs the conclusive argument." (Qur'an 6:149)
At various places in the Qur'an one finds: "And if you turn away, God will exchange you for some other folk, and they will not be the likes of you." (47:38) "We have shown humankind the way, whether they be grateful or disbelieving." (76:3) "Thus have We made fair seeming to every people their deeds;" (6:108) "And when the Shaitan made their works fair seeming to them," (8:48) "And whomever is blind in this world, will be blind in the Hereafter, and even further from the road." (17:72) "Only those who possess the kernels remember." (39:9) "Is he, the evil of whose deeds is made fair seeming unto him so that he deems them good, other than Satan's dupe?" (35:8) "They forgot God, so God forgot them." (9:67)
Do we really know what it means to turn away from Divine guidance? Are we really so certain that we know what the way is? How do we discern the truth if our deeds been made 'fair seeming' to us, or if we have permitted ourselves to deem our deeds good when such is not the case? What does it mean to forget God? -- after all, Iblis has not forgotten God, but his manner of remembrance is unacceptable.
Grieving is an appropriate response to the realization that one has been spiritually abused. Nothing brings things into perspective better than the fact that death and a potential abyss are staring one in the face and, yet, time is running out and one is not certain how to proceed.
So, given all the foregoing considerations, and given that grieving is a natural, if not intelligent, way to respond to the deep sense of loss which is felt when one has been spiritually abused, then, how does one go about striving to, God willing, recover from, and heal with respect to, this process of grieving? The answer is, in a way, somewhat surprising.
The general structure of the grieving process should reflect something of the spiritual stations about which tassawuf teachers. For example, Shukr or gratitude is one of these stations, and among the very first things an abused person needs to do in order to engage grieving in a constructive fashion is to give thanks to Allah that one has been shown the reality of the spiritual fraud which is being, and has been, perpetrated. Indeed, as one is asked over and over again in Surah Rahman: "Which is it, of the favors of your Lord, that you and you deny?" (Qur'an 55:13)
God has promised: "If you are thankful, truly, I shall increase you." (Qur'an 14:7) To be thankful for having been extricated from an illusory nightmare is an important step in working toward resolving one's grief. All one has to do is to think of the people who are still trapped within such oppressiveness, and who even have been induced to become mesmerized with such oppressiveness -- calling it good, then, one realizes that, painful though the experience may be, God has done one a great favor in removing the veils of ignorance which have shackled one to a fraudulent spiritual guide.
In feeling thankful, one has not achieved the spiritual station of gratitude. However, one's condition does reflect something of that station, and in so doing, one is helped to work through certain aspects of the grieving process.
One of the best ways to actively show appreciation is to say Fatiha on a regular basis. There are many things for which one can be thankful, even if one is currently without an authentic spiritual guide, and being freed from the influence of a fraudulent teacher is as good a reason as any other to begin to observe the practice of saying Fatiha, especially in light of the fact that this practice was one of the ways through which the Prophet (peace be upon him) gave thanks to God for Divine barakah, support, and assistance. Indeed, he, better than any of us knew the truth of: "If you were to enumerate the favors of Allah, you could not count them." (Qur'an 14:34)
Another station about which the Sufis speak is that of tauba, or repentance. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: "Shall I tell you about your illnesses and its remedy?" The people present replied: "Indeed, O Messenger of Allah." He said: "your illness is your sins, and your remedy is repentance."
The Prophet (peace be upon him) also is reported to have said: "The person who exalts himself is humbled by Allah, while the person who humbles oneself is exalted by God." Difficulties are merely God's way of putting one in touch with some fundamental realities of life, and one of these realities is that one begins at no beginning, and one works toward no end without Divine barakah and support.
Why did Adam (peace be upon him) and Eve (may Allah be pleased with her) sin? Allah knows best, but the solution to their problem was to repent.
All of us have much to repent for -- as Ra'bia of Basra once said: "Thy existence is a sin with which none other can compare," and most of us are busily engaged in solidifying our sense of existence in one way or another.
Life, for most of us, is a palimpsest. In other words, we spend our lives committed to painting over the Reality which lies before us with our own sense of what the picture of life should be about. The Qur'an says: "And they have no knowledge of it; they do not follow anything but conjecture, and surely conjecture does not avail against the truth at all." (53:28)
There is much for which we have to repent. Although one's niyat or intention for taking ba'yat with someone who turns out to be a false spiritual guide may have been honorable, nevertheless, in retrospect one can see that there were warnings and red flags that went up along the way to which one did not pay proper attention and with respect to which one made mistakes in judgment. These red flags may not necessarily have had anything to do with being asked to do something which went against one's conscience, but there might have been events along the way that seemed anomalous and bothersome at the time but which were temporarily shelved in order to be re-examined at a later time or which one simply dismissed with the assumption that I must not understand, or that I must be wrong, or there is some sort of Divine secret in play here, or the information is not credible, and so on.
Did one deserve the 'teacher' one got. No one deserves to be spiritually abused, but, at the same time, one must accept responsibility for whatever mistakes one may have made along the way and seek Allah's forgiveness for one's ignorance, or carelessness, or heedlessness, or lack of due diligence, or mistakes in judgment, or extending too many degrees of freedom to someone who was not worthy of such trust.
God does no injustice to His Creation, but the Creation -- at least that portion of Creation which enjoys free will -- does injustice to itself. The good news is that God has said: "O My slaves who have transgressed against their own souls. Do not despair of the Mercy of Allah Who forgives all sins." (Qur'an 39:55) Moreover, the Prophet ( peace be upon him) has said: "God surely rejoices more through the repentance of one of the servants of Allah, than any of you rejoice when you find your stray camel in the desert." Our responsibility is to do tauba -- to repent.
I have spoken elsewhere, at more length, about the issue of forgiveness in the context of spiritual abuse, and so, here, I will just say that struggling with the issue of forgiveness is part of the grieving process, but it is not the whole of it.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: "There is no human being who is wounded and, yet, forgives the giver of the wound, for whom God will not exalt the injured party dignity and diminish such a person's faults." Consequently, sincere forgiveness helps bring resolution to grieving over spiritual abuse.
There is a tendency among those who grieve concerning the sense of loss in relation to spiritual abuse to become cynical and distance themselves from all things spiritual. The Qur'an warns us about this when it says: "And do not be like those who forgot Allah, and Allah made them forget their own souls. Such are rebellious transgressors." (59:19)
Recently, I read about a man who had been doing zikr for 25 years -- without any sort of overt, special, mystical experiences being associated with the practice -- and when he learned that his teacher was a spiritual charlatan, he stopped doing zikr altogether. Apparently, the man did not understand that all the time he was doing zikr, God was responding to it by, among other things, helping the man to continue to say zikr, and by withdrawing from zikr, the man was opening himself up to being made to forget his own soul and, perhaps, even becoming a rebellious transgressor with respect to the Truth.
The Qur'an reminds us: "without doubt, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction." (13:28). Doing zikr helps the grieving process. Remembrance eases the pain and soothes the soul.
If one responds to spiritual abuse by adopting a cynical, rebellious, transgressing attitude toward spirituality and the mystical path, in general, then, the spiritual abuser has really taken up residence in one's mind and heart full time, because the one who has been abused becomes himself or herself, an abuser -- of oneself, as well as with respect to others (i.e., all who one would wish to be influenced by one's cynicism toward things spiritual). Divinity and everything in Creation has a right over us -- including our own soul and the truth -- and being spiritually abused does not entitle one to abuse one's own soul, or the truth, or the right of others to be free of oppression and abuse.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: "Muslims are brothers and sisters in spirituality, and they must not oppress one another, nor abandon assisting each other, nor hold one another in contempt. The seat of righteousness is the heart, therefore, the heart which is righteous does not hold a Muslim in contempt."If you will help God, God will help you." (Qur'an 47:7) There are many things which a grieving person can do to help God help one to work through the trauma.
For example, try to find a compassionate witness -- someone who will listen to one's spiritual adventure without prejudgment and who is more interested in offering a supportive venue for exploring life issues than necessarily offering any solutions to those issue. If one cannot find someone to do this for free, then, seek out professional assistance, but in either case, this should be done with someone who has some degree of receptivity to the idea of spiritual abuse as a reality -- that is, as something which can and does happen and which is something that, like any other form of abuse, comes into a person's life uninvited.
As an adjunct to this compassionate witness theme, one might consider starting a journal in order to begin a dialogue with oneself through which one can explore one's feelings, ideas, reactions, and attitudes about what is going on within oneself and around one in conjunction with the issue of spiritual abuse. Part of this process can involve a documenting of events, conversations, and dreams which occur during the period in which one is struggling to deal with, and gain perspective concerning, the grieving process.
Putting things down on paper makes it easier to strive toward becoming more objective and honest about the situation, as well as provides one with an opportunity to probe and reflect on emotionally charged feelings and fundamentally significant life issues in an effort to acquire a clearer understanding of matters that may remain somewhat amorphous and vague in the absence of such attempts to articulate what is going on within one.
Furthermore, in addition to trying to locate someone who would serve as a compassionate witness and/or starting to keep a journal, one should look for opportunities to participate in a debriefing process with others who may have experienced similar trauma is extremely important. There is a fair amount of clinical data which strongly indicates that the prognosis for recovery and healing in cases of spiritual abuse is significantly better for those people who do go through a process of debriefing, as compared to the prognosis for individuals who have not had any exposure to a such a set of debriefing experiences. However, this facet of things is meant to be complementary to, rather than a replacement for, interaction with a compassionate witness.
The debriefing process, working with a compassionate witness, and keeping a journal can help one begin to establish a certain amount of perspective, trust, peace, stability, and an enhanced sense of self-esteem and self- worth in one's life. As these features begin to take root, they help one to resolve some of the most deeply felt and problematic aspects of grief in conjunction with spiritual abuse.
Debriefing, speaking with a compassionate witness, or keeping a journal won't necessarily solve the issue of being without an authentic spiritual guide. However, all of these activities can help one, if God wishes, to move in a more positive, constructive direction.
Another spiritual station of the Sufi path is sabr or patience. "O you who believe! seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient." (Qur'an 2:153) Striving for patience is one of the ways a spiritually abused person can help God help one. Indeed: "And be patient and your patience is not but by (the assistance of) Allah, and grieve not for them, and do not distress yourself at what they plan."(16:127)
Do not grieve for the false teacher. Do not distress oneself over those who have decided to stay behind or about the things which they are planning. Leave them to Allah and be patient with Allah's plan, however that may turn out -- for the people from whom one has become estranged and for oneself.
Longing or raghba is also a spiritual station on the Sufi Path. Grieving for one's disconnection from spiritual authenticity by realizing that one has been abused by a fraudulent, spiritual guide is, in truth, a dim reflection of the sort of longing that the people of the mystical way experience when their hearts yearn for the presence of al-haqiqa, the Divine Reality.
However, one needs to redirect the himma or aspiration associated with grieving away from what has been lost, and reorient that aspiration in terms of what, God willing, may still be found. There is a Hadith Qudsi which says: "I (Allah) am found in the hearts which are broken for My sake," and if the grief which one feels over the lost of disconnection from spiritual authenticity is sincere, and if one's niyat for seeking has been sincere, then, know that Allah is within your heart, amidst its ruins and that building a new Jerusalem within oneself is possible with God's help ... as long as one still has a breath of life, there is still time ... there is still hope.
A further spiritual station of tassawuf is tawakkul, or trust/dependence. The Qur'an states: "There is no one in the heavens and the earth who will come to the Beneficent God except as a servant." (19:93) Human capacity gives expression to Divine manifestation in accordance with Divine wishes. This is the nature of servitude -- irrespective of whether the servant is willing or unwilling.
People come to the Sufi Path with all kinds of intentions, motivations, aspirations, hopes and expectations. Unfortunately, many of these personal agendas are not consistent with the nature and purpose of the mystical way, but they are totally understandable in light of the fact that everyone who comes to the Path arrives largely ignorant of the truth and reality of Being -- indeed, if this were not so, there would be no need to place oneself under the care and guidance of a spiritual teacher.
Everyone arrives at the gates of a mystical threshold as a servant who does not understand the nature of servitude. Consequently, a very important function of the Sufi discipline is to help initiate seekers into the different dimensions of all that is entailed by being a servant of Divinity so that one can strive to become aware of what it means to be an 'abd or servant of Allah and, as well, to give expression to such awareness in all that we do.
When some people learn they have been spiritually abused, they grieve out of disappointment about having been deprived, so they feel, of a certain sense of elitism or specialness which accompanies, in their way of thinking, being associated with a mystical way. Now, they have been thrown back into the mix with the rest of the 'little people'.
Someone in show business once said: 'there is no such thing as a small role, only small actors.' The unredeemed nafs desires power, glory, fame, and status, and it is unhappy with the prospect of having to play a small role in the Divine Plan.
For Divinity, there is no aspect of Creation which constitutes a small role. Everything has its function and purpose. Everything sings the praises of Allah by virtue of its being at all. Everything glorifies God in accordance with its own unique capacity for, and manner, of praise.
Our job is to seek our proper way of worship -- the one which gives expression to who we are rather than who someone else is. Not everyone has been appointed a Prophet. Not everyone becomes a saint. Not everyone will be an Abu Madyan, or a Junayd, Rumi, Hafiz, or Ibn al-'Arabi. And, no one else can be who we are.
If someone seeks to become an aware, knowing, willing servant of God, then , "...whoever is careful of (his duty to) Allah, He will make an outlet for that person, and give that individual sustenance from directions which the person has not even thought of; and whoever trusts in Allah, He is sufficient for him; surely Allah attains His purpose; Allah indeed has appointed a measure for everything." (Qur'an 65:2-3) What has been Divinely measured for each and every thing will be given expression through the realization of Allah's purpose.
What is appointed for us, as the measure of who and what we are, may, or may not, include the Sufi Path. But, irrespective of wether, or not, this is the case, each of us still has the responsibility of being careful of our duty before Allah and to the rest of Creation, including our own souls.
Thus, "when Musa prayed for drink for his people, We said: Strike the rock with your staff. So there gushed from it twelve springs; each tribe knew its drinking place: Eat and drink of the provisions of Allah and do not act corruptly in the land, making mischief." (Qur'an 2:60) Our task is to seek to know the place from whence we should eat and drink of the provisions -- both physical and spiritual -- from Allah. This may, or may not, involve the Sufi path, but one should learn that grieving over what cannot be is a futile exercise and can never have a constructive outcome.
To depend on Allah is to accept the role which has been assigned to us in the Divine plan. Part of the struggle which may be entailed by grieving is to learn acceptance through trusting what comes to us by the Divine will -- whether the experience be pleasant or difficult.
Once, when the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was suffering from the lingering after-effects of a poisoning that had also taken the lives of some Companions, someone who was with the Prophet (peace be upon him) during this re-occurrence of the problem turned to him and said: "Oh, this (the painful symptoms) is the result of that woman who poisoned you." The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied: "By Allah, nothing comes to me except by the will of Allah."
There may be many factors involved in why someone is required to endure the painful experience of being exposed to spiritual abuse. Whatever these factors may be, they have taken place because Allah has wished things to be that way, and if Divinity had wished for things to turn out differently, they would have.
Like dreams, the events of life must be interpreted. Like dreams, the events of life are intended to be a means of learning about oneself and existence, and the opportunity to learn comes via the Divine will. Sometimes what we learn is pleasant and sometimes the learning is not so pleasant, but it is all life.
By working through the condition of grief which has arisen from spiritual abuse, one is seeking to position oneself to be sufficiently healthy to be ready to take advantage of whatever spiritually authentic opportunity is vouchsafed to one by Divinity. But, if one becomes entrapped in the grieving process -- that is, if one becomes bogged down in chronic grief -- one will be unable to recognize the legitimate spiritual possibilities which may come into one's life.
We cannot demand that we be introduced to a spiritually authentic teacher. This cannot even be our expectation.
Our task is to be ready and to be vigilant. This is how we can help God to help us, and one cannot be properly ready or vigilant until one, by the Grace of Allah, has worked one's way through the issues, difficulties, and challenges of the grieving process in relation to spiritual abuse.
A seeker who was going through difficult times once approached a Sufi master, hoping to acquire some insight into how best to deal with the problems with which the former individual was confronted. Upon hearing about the man's various problems, the spiritual guide advised the man to learn to swim.
Going through the grieving process in a constructive fashion is among the swimming lessons of life. Hafiz of Shiraz (May Allah be pleased with him) once said: "The One Who is looking after your affairs is already busy looking after your affairs. Your worry adds nothing to your affair but worry" -- nonetheless, learning how to swim amidst the currents and eddies of existence helps our state of mind, heart, and soul as well -- and, in fact, learning how to swim in the foregoing existential sense gives expression to certain dimensions of the spiritual potential which Divinity has placed within us.
Although what Hazrat Hafiz (may Allah be pleased with him) says above is quite true, nonetheless, he had to go through tremendous spiritual struggles in order to arrive at a station where such words of wisdom flowed forth, by the Grace of Allah, through him. There may not be a point to worrying about things, but there is spiritual progress to be made, God willing, through a process of appropriately constructive grieving in relation to having been spiritually abused.
| The Grieving Process - Part One |Return to Spiritual Abuse Menu |
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