Forgiveness
A person once indicated that although he had a general sense of the idea of ‘forgiveness’, nonetheless, he was not certain if he really understood what forgiveness actually entailed. The following is a response to this individual’s uncertainty concerning the issue of forgiveness.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has said: “When someone treats you with nafs (the lower soul), treat them with ruh (the spirit).” Probably, all, or most, of the people in this Group have heard the foregoing Hadith, and recognize the truth and wisdom which is given expression through it, but, as with many issues, wisdom that is simply said is often anything but simple in accomplishing its proper execution or realizing the depth of awareness, insight, and spiritual development which is a necessary prerequisite to manifesting behavior that has qualities of ihsan (excellence), taqwa (piety), iklas (sincerity), tawwakil (dependence), ishq (intense love), sabr (patience), and so on which, hopefully, color and orient such behavior.
One of the questions that each of us must address in trying to grasp the significance of the foregoing words of the Prophet (peace be upon him), is this: how does one make the jump from treating people with nafs to treating them with ruh? Some of the Sufi masters speak of four stages of cleansing or purification: (1) tadhkiya-i-nafs (purification of the nafs); (2) tathfiya-i-qalb; (cleansing of the heart); (3) takhliya-i-sirr (emptying of the sirr); and, (4) tajliya-i-ruh (illumination of the spirit).
Each of these stages is complex and multifaceted. Thus, in a very real way, the distance between treating someone with nafs and treating someone with ruh is enormous –– a journey which tends to consume a whole life time in order for it to be traversed.
Among the jewels inherent in ruh are love, knowledge, primordial familiarity with –– and, therefore, awareness of –– the presence of Divinity, intelligence, understanding, and forbearance, which includes qualities of: dignity, modesty, endurance, as well as tranquility. Obviously, a person who enjoyed the active contributions of all the foregoing qualities of the ruh would be someone who, when treated with nafs, would be able, God willing, to respond to this kind of treatment through such qualities. Such people are known as saints, and we have the unenviable task of trying, as best our spiritual capacity allows, to model our lives after them –– but this is a process, not an event.
A Companion of the Prophet (peace be upon him) once approached Abu Bakr Siddiq (may Allah be pleased with him) with a confession. The former individual said that whenever he was with the Prophet (peace be upon him), he thought about nothing but Allah, the purpose of life, the Day of Judgment, and so on, but, whenever he left the presence of the Prophet (peace be upon him) the individual forgot all about such things and became engrossed with his work, his wife, his family and so on. The man felt that he was a hypocrite because he acted one way when he was with the Prophet (peace be upon him), and, yet, acted in quite another way when away from the Prophet (peace be upon him).
Abu Bakr Siddiq (May Allah be pleased with him) smiled at his friend and said words to the effect of: “You know, this is my condition to, and I have been very worried about this state of affairs as well. Why don’t we go to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and seek his counsel on this matter?”
So, the two men went off to see the Prophet (peace be upon him), and when they arrived, they explained their concerns to him. When the Prophet (peace be upon him) heard their account, he smiled and is reported to have said: “If you were able to maintain the same level of spiritual focus away from me as you do in my presence, the angels would line up to shake your hands.”
The spiritual quest has the degree of difficulty it has because, among other factors, the way is beset with many forces which are intent on dissuading us from making the trip at all –– and, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) has warned us, none of these forces is more obstructionist than the nafs which exists between our two sides. In fact, the unredeemed nafs is so treacherous and dangerous, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The movements of the nafs are more difficult to detect than the movements of a black ant, on a smooth rock, in the dead of night,” and who can detect such stealth ... who, indeed, but the one about whom the Prophet reminds us when he said: “Beware of the vision of a mu’min (one who has a realized, deep faith), for that person sees by the light of Allah.”
Because our starting point –– namely, the unredeemed nafs -- is so fraught with peril, the Sufis often speak of a stage which may either be considered to be a precursor of the first stage noted above –– that is, purification of the nafs –– or, it may be considered as an important theme within that first stage. This precursor to, or aspect of, the first stage involves the purifying of niyat or intention.
A modern-day shaykh and saint once said: “We have free will, but not as much as we might think.” The realm of niyat is where all our spiritual battles are fought, and this is where our free will resides –– the manner or attitude or motive or himma (aspiration) through which we engage the events of life by means of our niyat.
This is why the Prophet (peace be upon) him has indicated that “Allah does not look at your forms and possessions, rather Allah looks at your hearts and deeds,” for our hearts and deeds are a function of the condition of our niyat or intention. The light of faith is nothing but the state and/or station of niyat made manifest.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) once said: “The inability to weep is caused by hardness of heart; hardness of heart is caused by a multiplicity of sins; multiplicity of sins is caused by forgetfulness of death; forgetfulness of death is caused by ambitious expectations; ambitious expectations are caused by excessive love of this world.” The Prophet also has said: “The root of all prayers is renunciation of the world, and love of the world is the root of all mischief.”
Our love of the world is really the dance of the nafs. Dunya is the complex array of patterns created by the process through which the set of our collective dance moves engage, and become entangled, with one another on the dance floor of life. The dances of our collective nafs within the confines of lived existence generates an indefinitely large set of opportunities for being able to practice the art and science of forgiveness.
Other people don’t dance the way we do, and they are always bumping into us and jarring our beautifully orchestrated movements, rhythms, ambiences and sensibilities. Or, they are stepping on our toes, or they are blocking our way, or they are occupying the space in which we wish to dance, or they insist on the band playing their kind of tunes, or they are too innovative for our tastes, or they are crowding us, or they are trying to control our style of dancing, or they are elbowing us and being insensitive to the adab of dancing as we understand it.
The whole process of dancing in such a congested, stress-filled, problematic context induces us to become open to an assortment of moods, emotions, attitudes, opinions, judgments, strategies, and motives which are shaped, to a great extent, by the unholy four: unredeemed nafs, the whisperings of Iblis, the machinations of the philosophies, theories, ideas, and concerns of dunya, and the cleverness of the unbelievers –– that is, those who seek to rebel against the purpose for which life was created (and this is a reference to an existential stance, not to spiritual traditions which may differ from one’s choice with respect to how to do the dance of life). We spend our days, afternoons, evenings, and nights allowing ourselves to be carried from one state to another, much the way the little steel ball gets propelled here and there by the different bumpers and flippers which make up the pinball machine of our unredeemed nafs.
The term “carried” is not used arbitrarily in the foregoing sentence, because when we hand the keys of niyat over to our unredeemed nafs, then, we set in motion the elements which are necessary to establish the habits that automatically carry us along through life –– habits of belief, valuation, thought, ideation, feeling, judgment, likes, dislikes, biases, opinions, methods, temperament, personality, defenses, inclination, style, and activities. Moreover, some of these habits are so intense and pervasive that they become modes of addiction in which one, literally, experiences many of the signs of physical withdrawal when one seeks to oppose such trends of being.
Forgiveness is a state of niyat which constitutes a modality of faith. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Faith consists of: profession of the tongue; verification of the heart; and implementation of the limbs. Thus, saying that one forgives someone is not enough. There must be a verification of ‘something’ via the experience of the heart, and there must be a process of giving expression, in the form of various actions or behaviors, to the reality of what has been verified in the heart.
Verification is not just a matter of experience, but of a certain kind and quality of experience. There must be a realization of the truth of certain things which takes place in the heart.
What is the difference between the first article of faith which says there is there is no reality but Allah, and the first pillar of Islam which says there is no reality but Allah? The difference is a matter of understanding, realization, and verification concerning the truth of what is only being accepted in a vague and unrealized manner in the context of the first pillar.
Iblis is kafir or an unbeliever not because be fails to believe in the existence of God –– since he does believe in the reality of God very much –– but because he has no faith in the implications which such existence has for the way he conducts himself, and, as a result, he has covered up the truths that had been disclosed to him prior to his fall from Grace when he had been permitted, by Allah, to not only associate among the angels but to teach them as well. The elements of kafir in each of us are due to the manner in which the unredeemed nafs hides, as well as hides from, the truths that are constantly being shown to us on the horizons and within us by Divinity.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) has indicated that: “Satan never feels more dejected, crestfallen and humiliated than on the day of Arafat [the day during Hajj when, following the example of Adam (peace be upon him), seekers ask for forgiveness of God.” The second worst hair day for Iblis is when people ask and receive forgiveness from one another, for Iblis is in his beloved element of chaos, confusion, and mayhem when human beings permit their nafs to darken the land of the heart so that it cannot receive and resonate with the truths and barakah which is constantly being rained upon it by Divinity.
When we forget God, then, God forgets us in the very act of our forgetting Him. In such forgetfulness, the door is opened to all manner of sin –– sin being defined as anything which obscures or obstructs the path to realizing, and acting upon, truth, whether within ourselves or in relation to others.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: “Shall I not inform you about a better act than fasting, charity, and prayer? –– making peace between one another. Enmity and malice tear up heavenly rewards by the roots.”
One of the foremost ways of making peace is through the act of forgiveness. However, this can be very difficult, if not impossible, to do if we do not have a deep appreciation of how much in need of Divine forgiveness each of us is, and this is one of the reasons why the Sufi path begins with the sort of purifying of niyat or intention which, God willing, clears the way for struggling toward the station of tauba or repentance, with which the Sufi path begins.
When we come to truly appreciate the need for repentance with respect to our errors of commission and omission, we begin to understand the need in others for forgiveness in precisely the same way we are in need of forgiveness. We also begin to realize that forgiveness only comes via the Grace of God.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) has reminded us that: “Allah has 300 Attributes, the one who acquires just one of these Attributes for one’s character will inherit Paradise.” The quality of forgiveness is given expression through the Attributes and Names of Divinity, and, therefore, in order to become a locus of manifestation for such channeling of forgiveness, we must purify ourselves so that we reflect such a quality in an unrestricted manner –– and this process of purification and reflective transmission is what is meant by “acquiring” the Divine Attribute of Forgiveness.
Praying for the quality of forgiveness to be manifested through us is not a passive act. The Prophet (peace be upon him) once described the nature of prayer as: “service, drawing close, and joining” to the Divine spark within each of us. But he also said: “Prayer is only acceptable to Allah when our heart is aware.”
Consequently, if we wish, God willing, for our prayer to be accepted, then, we must become aware of what it is we are praying for. In the process of becoming aware, we gain the modality of verification of the heart which previously was mentioned as one of the three elements that constitute faith which is the state of our niyat or intention made manifest.
What are we trying to be aware of or verify with respect to the issue of forgiveness? There are many ways in which to say this, but one way might be, to use the words of the Prophet (peace be upon him): “By no means shall you attain to righteousness until you spend benevolently out of what you love.”
What is it that we all love? We love ourselves –– although I understand that the term “love” here is being used loosely for the relationship we have with ourselves is very complex and full of eddies and cross-currents, and ‘love’ of self is more of an infatuation and narcissistic preoccupation with the interests of nafs. Notwithstanding the foregoing proviso, we cannot come to forgive other people in an essential, meaningful, non-superficial sense until the unredeemed nafs is transformed into an ally rather than an antagonistic cauldron of resentments, anger, enmity, frustration, misunderstanding, judgments, opinions, biases, likes and dislikes.
We cannot see our way to forgiving someone else –– or, more accurately, being a locus of manifestation for such forgiveness –– until we have clearly seen our way to being willing to sacrifice the loves of our own lower self, and giving benevolently to others through such sacrifice. Being a locus of manifestation for the forgiveness of others which is being transmitted to them by Divinity via the agency of the purified Self does not mean that one should forget what has transpired in relation to the transgressions which have been perpetrated against us.
Being such a locus does not mean that one should permit this sort of process to be abused by others or serve as a vehicle of enabling those people to continue to transgress. Forgiveness carries with it an obligation on the part of the one who is forgiven. This is not a condition of forgiveness, but something which is part of the adab or etiquette of the process of forgiveness.
As the Qur’an indicates: “If you are thankful, truly, I shall increase you.” (14:7) So, the quality of gratitude or shukr is paramount to giving expression to the sincerity of thankfulness in a person who has been extended the gift of forgiveness, together with the one through whom the forgiveness has been transmitted ... and real forgiveness is a gift for all concerned –– both the transgressor as well as the person who has been transgressed against, because when this act of forgiveness takes place in the right spiritual context (in which both the locus of manifestation through which forgiveness is extended, as well as the locus of manifestation which is the recipient of such barakah), then, and only then, can spiritual healing take place.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) has taught that there is no sin in feeling anger, but one must learn to swallow it and not act upon it. This is a long and difficult process with which we may have varying degrees of success at different stages along the spiritual path.
As with many spiritual states, we tend to vacillate back and forth, like so many phase shifts, between controlling anger and giving vent to it. Najm al-Din Razi has indicated that there are two qualities associated with the unredeemed nafs, and that through the multiplicity of ways in which these two qualities can combine together, arise all the varied emotions which we feel. These two qualities are passion and anger.
One of the purposes of the Sufi path is to help individuals to struggle toward transforming these two properties of the nafs. When one changes the object of passion, from dunya and the small-s self, to Divinity, then love for the truth and reality begins to emerge, and, as this is taking place, then, anger is transformed, God willing, to an inclination to defend the truth against everything within one which seeks to corrupt the process of truth seeking.
One cannot become clear about the issues of forgiveness, until one begins to re-orient one’s habitual ways of dealing with the world through the colored bifocals of unredeemed nafs. For, as long as we are oblivious to the beam in our own eye, all we are likely to see is the mote in someone else’s eye, since it is the beam in our own eye which blinds the heart and renders it unsuitable for receiving the lights of Grace –– such as forgiveness.
The Qur’an says: “O humankind. There has come to you a direction from your Lord, and a healing for the diseases in the hearts, and a guidance, and a mercy for the Believers.” (10:57) When we turn away from that which has come to us through Divine Generosity, then, forgiveness, like so many other words and terms, becomes an empty, shallow exercise. This is the real curse of kufr, or unbelief, for when we are dominated by this spiritual condition, we hide, and hide from, the very solution to many of our problems.
| Return to Spiritual Abuse Menu |
|
