Love Without Conditions
Someone sent a few quotes from a book which seemed to the sender to offer useful insights, and this individual felt the book might have potential value for people who have been spiritually abused. Although the thought and intention underlying this sharing were appreciated, the quotes seemed, at least to me, to be problematic in relation to the issue of spiritual abuse.
I have not read the book, Love Without Conditions, nor do I know who wrote it, or whether the individual(s) claims to be Sufi, and I am not sure if there is other material in that book which might serve as a corrective to the problems that appear to be given expression in some of the quotes extracted from the aforementioned book, but there are a few things which have occurred to me as I read the quotes.
The first quote from Love Without Conditions is:
“Awakening from abuse means rejecting the illusion that you are not lovable as you are”.
The foregoing quote may be about domestic abuse or other kinds of abuse, but I will respond to it ‘as if’ it were about the issue of spiritual abuse, since this is the focus of our group. If one’s niyat or intention with respect to pursuing the spiritual path is primarily to be loved or find love or feel lovable, then, a person may encounter problems in relation to traveling on the mystical path, because love constitutes only one facet of the path, and even here the emphasis is not on being loved, but on learning how to love, or, even more precisely, learning, God willing, how to purify, calibrate, and activate those faculties within us which have a capacity for love.
There are three potentials for love within a human being. Two of these are in the heart, and the other is within the spirit.
With respect to the two potentials of the heart, one is dedicated, so to speak, to love of human beings, and the other capacity is only concerned with the Divine Presence, and, as such, has no room, whatsoever, for love of other than Divinity.
The modality of love that is within the spirit is given expression through essential yearning, seeking and sincerity in relation to the Divine. This kind of love is complementary to the dimension of love in the heart which is devoted to Divinity.
Both the heart and the spirit have potentials that are means of experiencing and engaging Divinity which involve themes that resonate with love but manifest other properties as well. Some Sufi masters refer to the spirit as one of the senses of the heart (along with Intellect, sirr, and kafi).
In any event, the ruh or spirit encompasses qualities of luminosity, knowledge, forbearance (as expressed through dignity, modesty, endurance, and tranquility), primordial familiarity with Divinity, permanence, and life (involving certain spiritual modes of intelligence and understanding). The heart, in addition to the aforementioned facets involving love, also contains: (1) a capacity for Islam [that is, submission to the truth or reality -- “He whose breast God has expanded unto Islam enjoys a light from his Lord.” (39:22)]; (2) a potential for faith [“He inscribed faith in their hearts.” (58:22), and “They have hearts whereby they comprehend.” (22:46); (3) a capacity, known as the fo’ad, for witnessing various dimensions of spirituality [“The fo’ad did not lie concerning what it saw.” (58:13)]; (4) a capacity which receives God-given knowledge and unveilings of the unseen [And He taught Adam the names, all of them.” (2:31], and, finally, (5) a locus for the manifestation of lights of the Divine attributes.
Although the foregoing potential for love has been placed, like a jewel, in human spiritual capacity, and, as such, is capable of reflecting the Hidden Treasure which God loved to be known, and, therefore, was the occasion for bringing forth creation, nonetheless, when the foregoing potential is not polished and realized, then, one faces the possibility that: “if you turn away, God will exchange you for some other folk, and they will not be the likes of you.” (47:38) Elsewhere in the Qur’an, one finds: “God will bring forth a people whom He loves and who will love Him.” (5:57).
As a potential locus of spiritual realization, God loves human beings, and as a realized locus of spiritual manifestation, God loves human beings, and God loves those who struggle toward such realization, and, finally, God loves those who waste their lives, but He is unhappy with the latter group for having failed to take advantage of the spiritual opportunities which life affords –––– “By the declining day, indeed human beings are in a state of loss except such as have faith and do righteous deeds, and join in the mutual teaching of the Truth and who are patient and constant.” (103:1-3)
“And do not be like those who forgot Allah and Allah made them forget their own souls. Such are rebellious transgressors.” (59:19) “And whoever is blind in this world, will be blind in the Hereafter, and even further from the road.” (17:72)
To say, as does the quote with which the present comments are concerned, that we “are lovable as we are” may be true, but it requires considerable qualification to be properly understood, and among these qualifications is this fact: lovable though we may be, there is much work to be done and it is not enough to say we are lovable – we need to understand this lovable dimension through the perspective of the Divine Himma or Aspiration which brought creation into being -- “I have not created human beings nor jinn except that they may worship Me.” (51:56-57), and: “Say, Surely, my prayer and my service of sacrifice, my life and my death are all for Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.” (6:162)
According to the Book: “Awakening from abuse means rejecting the illusion that you are not lovable as you are.” Perhaps, a better way of expressing this is to say –––– awakening from abuse means rejecting the illusion being perpetrated by the abuser that the latter can either love, in any real sense, or has the ability to teach others how to love so that the purpose of life may be realized.
A second quote from the book: Love Without Conditions, is:
“What happens in your life is neutral, neither positive nor negative. You decide whether it is positive or negative.”
Hazrat Muinuddin Chishti (may God be pleased with him) once wrote: “Do not look at the events of life as being either good or bad. Is it not enough that they come from your Lord?” This sounds similar to the foregoing quote, but, in fact, is very different.
The events of our lives are neither positive nor negative, but they are not neutral either. Everything comes to us from our Lord with a purpose, or as a challenge, or an opportunity, or a test, or as a manifestation of the Real – “Wheresoever you turn, there is the face of God.” (2:115) and, “We created not the heavens and the earth and all that is between them in play.” (44:38)
Now, all of us have the potential to choose whether to label a given happening as being positive or negative, but “What is there after the Real, save error?” (10:32). In other words, the decisions we make have spiritual value only to the extent that they bring us closer to understanding or realizing the nature of the Real. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Should the day come wherein I increase not in knowledge wherewith to draw nearer to God, then, let the dawn of that day be accursed,” and he also is reported to have said: “Every person who rises in the morning either does that which will be the means of one’s redemption or one’s spiritual ruin.”
One of the essential senses of the term “Islam” is the peace which comes when one submits one’s whole being to the nature of Truth and is able, God willing, to reflect the Names and Attributes of Divinity. We cannot submit until we jettison all that is other than the Truth, and “To God belongs the conclusive argument” (6:149) concerning the nature of this Truth, and, therefore, an important dimension of spirituality is to give up our ideas about what is positive or negative, and just concern ourselves with the nature of the Real – for there is nothing else.
A third quote cited from the book: Love Without Conditions, is as follows:
“One who loves himself is not afraid to be alone.”
There is a difference between love of the self and love of the Self. A person who loves the lower self may enjoy being alone, but he or she has the company of a fool. A person who loves the Self knows that one is never alone irrespective of whether other people are present or not.
There is a hadith qudsi (that is, a saying in which Divinity speaks through the voice of the Prophet but what is said is not revelation) in which God says: “I am Ahmad without meem (m)”, and when one takes away meem, one is left with Ahad -- that is, the One.
The spiritually realized individual who is experiencing fana fil-Allah, is overwhelmed with the presence of the One. The person who experiences the station of baqa is aware of his or her own spiritual capacity being manifested through the One (i.e., the individual’s counterpart to Ahmad.) Yet, in either case, there is, in truth, only One, and “whoever believeth in God and the Last Day and does right, there shall be no fear come upon them, neither shall they grieve. (5:69)
Another quote from the book, Love Without Conditions:
“Do not judge those who are not ready to admit their mistakes. Simply admit your own and give the rest to God.”
The Qur’an clearly stipulates: “If Allah were to take humankind to task for their wrong-doing, God would not leave hereon a living creature, but God reprieves them to an appointed term.” (16:61) And, “O My slaves who have transgressed against their own souls. Do not despair of the Mercy of Allah Who forgives all sins.” (39:53)
The very first station of the Sufi path is that of tauba or repentance. Tauba consists of sincerely admitting one’s mistakes before God, resolving not to commit the error again, and placing trust in God’s capacity to forgive us our transgressions if we turn to Him.
We all have been created with the capacity to commit sin – that is, to rebel against the requirements of Truth with respect to the purpose of existence. In this respect, we have no business complaining about, or making critical judgments concerning, the mote in the eye of another, while the beam in our own eye goes unaddressed. Indeed, Hazrat ‘Ali (may God be pleased with him) once told the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) when asked by the latter what he (‘Ali) would do if he were given the khirkah or mantle of spiritual authority which is bestowed upon one who is given the responsibility of serving as a spiritual guide for others. Hazrat ‘Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I would use it (the khirkah) to hide the faults of others, and the Prophet (peace be upon him) embraced him and presented the khirkah to Hazrat ‘Ali (may Allah be pleased with him).
However, every spiritual guide must, God willing, make informed, insightful, true judgments concerning the spiritual condition of a seeker, for without such judgments, no healing process can be prescribed. Consequently, there is a difference between hiding the faults of another, and pursuing a course of action which is intended to help correct a problematic situation in relation to a seeker.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) counseled believers in the following fashion:
“Do not attend the circle of a learned person unless that individual asks you to give up five things in favor of accepting five other things: - doubt in favor of faith; - hypocrisy in favor of sincerity; - worldliness in favor of asceticism; - pride in favor of humility; - enmity in favor of love.”
Now, contrary to what one of the previous respondents to this Spiritual Recovery Group has said, the issue is not a matter of holding a spiritual guide to a higher standard than everyone else, but, rather, it is a matter of holding him or her to precisely the same standard as everyone else. Consequently, not only should one not attend the circle of a so-called learned individual if they do not ask one to give up five things in favor of accepting five other things (as noted above), but if a teacher is not prepared to live in accordance with these five recommendations, then, one has even more reason not to attend the circle of such a person.
Spiritually abusive "teachers” are those who either do not recommend the foregoing, and/or do not practice if they do make these sorts of recommendation. As the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has said: “Knowledge is of two kinds: formal knowledge which does not go beyond verbal profession. It is the evidence of God against those people who profess such knowledge, and according to it, God will judge them; and, genuine knowledge, which is deep-rooted in the heart – this is the knowledge which is most useful.” and, at best, spiritually abusive “guides” possess no “genuine knowledge” – only formal knowledge which is the rope with which they hang themselves.
Every seeker has a responsibility to make a judgment or determination, as best one can, concerning the manner, or extent to which, an alleged teacher reflects the foregoing teachings of the Prophet (peace be upon him). If one finds, in time, that a so-called spiritual teacher does not comply with what the Prophet (peace be upon him) has taught in, among other things, the foregoing, then, one has a responsibility to make a critical judgment and to follow through on that judgment.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) has said: “Surely, your soul has a right against you; your Lord has a right against you; your guest has a right against you, and your wife has a right against you. So, give to each one who possesses a right against you.” Making judgments with respect to matters which have the potential to affect the health of one’s soul and one’s relationship with God and others is part of the rights which are held against us by existence.
A further quote from the book, Love Without Conditions, is:
“Only those who choose to suffer long and hard desire perfection.”
If one desires perfection for oneself, then, one aspires to something other than worship of Allah. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Only God’s Attributes are fit to praise His Essence.” Moreover: “Oh Allah, I have not worshiped Thee as Thou ought to be worshiped.” – and this comes from one whom, according to every Sufi master, is the model to be emulated by every seeker of the mystical path.
The Qur’an indicates: “God charges a soul only to its capacity.” (2:286) We have whatever capacity Divinity has given us, and all that we can aspire to do is to realize the spiritual capacity which is inherent in us.
Another quote from Love Without Conditions is:
“Not one of God's children can be bad. At worst, he is hurt. At worst he attacks others and blames them for his pain. But he is not bad.”
The term “bad” is rather amorphous and ambiguously relative. In the Qur’an one finds the following: “And do not be like those who forgot Allah, and Allah made them forget their own souls. Such are rebellious transgressors.” (59:19)
Is a rebellious transgressor ‘bad’? I don’t know, but it doesn’t sound good.
The Qur’an also says: “Those who swear allegiance to thee (Muhammad) swear allegiance, in truth, to God. God’s hand is above their hands. So, whoever breaks one’s oath, breaks it only to the hurt of one’s soul.” (48:10) Whether a person who hurts one’s own soul by breaking one’s oath to God can be considered ‘bad’ seems to be an exercise in sophistry.
One also finds: “Truly, the nafs commands unto evil” (12:53) Sounds bad, but I guess this really only means that the nafs is hurt and seeks to blame others for its pain.
“And when We desire to destroy a city, We commend its people, who live at ease, and they commit wickedness therein; thus, is Our word proved true against them, and we destroy them utterly.” (33:72) Well, maybe, people who commit wickedness are not really bad, but the ramifications of such wickedness do not seem all that nice.
Another extract from Love Without Conditions says:
“Love does not choose it's beloved or the moment of it's expression. Love extends to all at all times. Love is without conditions.”
In the Qur’an, one finds: “Say: If you love God, then follow me (i.e., Muhammad) so that God may love you.” (3:31)
I believe that an ‘if-then’ statement constitutes a conditional, such that the consequence is dependent on some antecedent condition being satisfied.
There is a Hadith Qudsi which says: “My believing servant does not cease to draw nigh unto Me with acts of his free will offering until I love him, and when I love him, I am the eye with which he sees, the ear by which he hears, the feet where on which he walks, and the hands by which he holds.” Once again, there seems to be a conditional quality to the bestowing of love which depends on the free will offerings of the believing servant.
In another Hadith Qudsi, one reads: “The ones who love Me for My sake, deserve My love. The ones who give what comes to them in abundance deserve My love. The ones who visit and frequent each other for My sake deserve My love.” In each case, there appears to be a conditional dimension to the bestowing of Divine favor.
Sufi masters agree with the following: ‘Love has contracts, so do not violate them, and, love has an adab, so do not omit it, and love has rights, so do not abandon them.’ One who does not observe the contracts, adab, and rights of love – whether in relation to Divinity or in relation to Creation – will not travel very far on the Sufi path. As the Qur’an indicates: “Allah never changes the Grace which has been bestowed on any people until they first change that which is in their hearts, and that is because Allah is Hearer, Knower.” (8:53)
The problem with saying that “Love is without conditions,” is that the quote fails to convey the fact that Divine Love is a lot more complex, textured, nuanced, subtle, and rich than a single, simplistic, universal statement can express. Just as there are two kinds of mercy – namely, Rahman and Rahim – such that the former (Rahman) may be extended, by Allah, to anyone and everyone, quite independently of works or considerations of deserving, while the latter (Rahim) is parceled out by Divinity in accordance with the nature of the sincere efforts any given individual makes, so, too, there are many different levels, facets, and dimensions of love. Some of these expressions of love are gifts which do not need to be earned, and some of these manifestations of love require effort in order for one to be opened up to their bestowal (as was indicated in a number of the earlier quotes from the Qur’an and the Hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him).
The next to last quote from the Love Without Conditions book is:
“ Every miracle is a demonstration of the fact that love is stronger than fear.”
I really don’t know what the above quote means because, from a Sufi perspective, miracles come only as God-given via the Prophetic tradition and are to be distinguished from the kiramat or ‘wondrous deeds’ of the non-Prophetic friends of Allah – which, in truth, also come from Divinity, but are manifested through a different locus of manifestation than are miracles. There is a looseness of usage surrounding the idea of miracle in which anything and everything can become a miracle, and when this happens, one has difficulty trying to figure out what the nature of the miracle is and how it differs from the miracle of creation or being or life or beauty, or possibility.
In one sense, the Presence of God lends a miraculous dimension to every manner of manifestation. But, in such a context, one has difficulty understanding how “the fact that love is stronger than fear” constitutes a demonstration of the miraculous without making the miraculous sound trivial and other than God-given.
The final quote of Love Without Conditions is:
“Understand that here, in this moment, there is nothing wrong with you or your life. Everything is as it should be. Right now, in this moment, you are completely loved.”
The problem that I have with the foregoing statement is that it seems rather a presumptuous claim to make. Only Divinity can say whether there is something or nothing wrong with one’s life. Only God can say whether everything is at it should be and what this even means. Moreover, ‘complete’ love is only realized and experienced with awareness by the one who has traversed all the stations of the Sufi Path.
The whole essence of Deen is that it constitutes a journey, which if successfully traversed, brings one to a destination of arriving which is very different – at least, in terms of understanding -- from the point where one first started. There is a teaching which is related by some Sufi masters and goes as follows: ‘I created humankind, and they were bound to Me, and were coming to Me. When I showed them the world, 9/10ths of them became world-bound and 1/10th remained with Me. When I told them about Paradise, 9/10ths of those who remained desired Paradise and only 1/10th remained with Me. When I poured My troubles and My pains upon those who stayed with Me, they cried for help and 9/10ths left and 1/10th remained with Me. To the 1/10th, I said: ‘I will pour upon you such calamities that the mountains could not bear their weight.’ They said: ‘As long as they come from You, it is well with us.’
Now, all of the individuals who comprise the different groups in the foregoing may all be completely loved in a certain sense and from a certain point of view, but there are important differences in the spiritual quality and level of the people in the different groups. And, while from God’s perspective, everything is unfolding in accordance with the Divine Plan, human choice has a bearing upon whether, or not -- from the perspective of the individual choosing -- things are really taking place in accordance with the way they should for that person.
In 'Candide', Voltaire has one of the characters, Dr. Pangloss, speak of this realm “being the best of all possible worlds,” and the foregoing quote from Love Without Conditions seems to have a certain resonance with the optimistic philosophy which is being satirized by Voltaire. The Prophet (peace be upon him) has said: “This life is but a tillage for the next, therefore, do good deeds here that you may reap benefits there -- for, striving is the ordinance of God, and whatever God has ordained can be attained only by striving.”
Striving, effort, works, struggle, and choice make a difference. Niyat or intention has spiritual ramifications.
Anyone who supposes that fate is completely fixed and all one has to do is sit back and let life roll by and that everything will be as it should be, is at odds with what the Sufi path teachers. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) has said: “Live in this world as if one were going to live here for a thousand years, and live for the next world as if one were going to die tomorrow.” Furthermore, “Take advantage of a good opportunity when the door opens, for you never know when it will close again.” The choices we make matter to us, and the reason there have been 124,000 Prophets, many books of Revelation, and non-Prophetic mystical teachers is because guidance is needed so that choices may be made which will be to our advantage and not to our disadvantage.
The Qur’an says: “Be helpers of God.” (61:14). How can we help God? -- by striving in His Way.
God has shown us love by bringing us into creation and giving us an opportunity to come to know the Hidden Treasure for which the worlds and realms were made manifest. No matter what we do, God’s Purpose will be fulfilled, but how we will fit into that plan, and whether we will be happy with the results depends very much on what we do and what is in our hearts - as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Allah does not look at your forms and possessions, rather Allah looks at your hearts and deeds.”
The foregoing commentary on a number of quotes from the book, Love Without Conditions, is not based on whether the material is by someone who purports, or who does not purport, to be a Sufi. There can be many non-Sufi sources -- both Islamic and otherwise -- which may have something constructive and valuable to share.
Furthermore, one is free to derive inspiration from wherever one likes. We all understand and appreciate that inspiration, like humor and food, is often a matter of individual tastes. Nonetheless, having been involved in clinical settings of one kind or another over the last thirty-plus years, I feel the aforementioned quotes are of dubious clinical value with respect to the issue of spiritual abuse in general, or the problem of spiritual abuse in relation to the Sufi Path in particular.
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