A Fate Worse Than Death
There are people who claim that they could tell, instantaneously -- or within a very short period of time -- whether, or not, a given individual is an authentic, sincere teacher. There may be some people who are sufficiently gifted, by the Grace of Allah, to do this, but there are, I believe, far fewer people who actually are capable of this than there are individuals who are making claims in this regard on their own behalf (and, in the present context, I would eliminate from consideration those individuals who reject all possibilities simply because they are inveterate cynics and skeptics concerning everything spiritual and/or mystical, and, therefore, are in no position to make a fair and knowing discernment about such matters).
In the beginning, Hazrat Ahmad al-Alawi, (may Allah be pleased with him) the Sufi saint of the 20th century about whom Martin Lings wrote, did not know the difference between someone who was a snake-charmer and someone who was a spiritual sage. Similarly, Hazrat al-Ghazali and Jalal-uddin Rumi (may Allah be pleased with them both) each took time to find his way to the truth of things with respect to mysticism.
For every rule of thumb one can come up with as a line of demarcation for discerning true teachers from false ones, there are exceptions to such a rule -- both on the side of legitimacy, as well as in relation to spiritual charlatans. In instances where the quality of spiritual counterfeiting is poor, many of us may be able to gauge that some sort of fraudulent activity is going on, but when the quality of counterfeiting is high, distinguishing between the real and the false is very problematic.
Consequently, becoming entangled in a false modality of mysticism is not all that a difficult thing to do - some people's opinion to the contrary notwithstanding. More importantly, once one's life has become immersed in such a group and with the 'right' sort of dynamic 'guide', there are many emotional, psychological, and social forces which are capable of deepening such entanglement in very complex, subtle, and problematic ways.
For example, if one is faced with the prospect - whether through personal choice or the decision of the group/teacher - of leaving the process of association with a given teacher or group, then, an individual is very much aware that waiting for one on the other side of the boundary -- which marks those who are within the group and those who are without - is the abyss of dissociation. Under such circumstances, the threat of the terrors of dissociation are even more ominous because of an intense sense of relative deprivation which is experienced in being disconnected from a way of life through which one derived the sum total of one's orientation to: God, meaning, purpose, identity, truth, reality, community, commitment, trust, love, self, direction, acceptance, peace, happiness, the world, and the life to come, as compared to the painful offerings of dissociation - anxiety, fear, alienation, meaninglessness, purposelessness, depersonalization, de-realization, depression, sadness, grief, and so on.
When I first began to explore the dynamic character of the relationship between various kinds of meaningfulness and the threat of dissociation, one of the images which came to mind was the following:
Meaningfulness/Altered States ) | ( Dissociation
The line in the middle constitutes the potentially neutral ground between dissociation and meaningfulness. This middle area gives expression to the activities through which we seek to determine the way to meaning, objectivity, and 'truth' - it is the area within which we struggle for understanding and knowledge about how best to proceed.
When the methodological and hermeneutical activity of this middle area is successful, it helps to serve as a defense against the threat of being pulled into one, or another, state of dissociation. When such activity is not productive, then, we struggle to resist the slide toward dissociative states involving anxiety, alienation, anomie, overwhelming stress, fear, loss of identity, and so on, which, in turn, may open us up to more pathological states such as P.T.S.D, an anxiety or dissociative disorder, or some other problematic condition.
With respect to the foregoing diagram, it is important to understand, that meaningfulness and/or altered states do not necessarily equate with the truth of things. Rather, we seek meaning and altered states in order to protect ourselves against being consumed by the ravages of one species, or another, of dissociation.
Furthermore, the phenomenology of going across the boundary into the realm of meaningfulness and/or altered states is experienced as being very pleasurable, if not given to ecstasy, and this boundary crossing is also felt to be tremendously liberating, as if one were 'born again' or had come to see 'reality' for the first time. Once one has undergone such a boundary transition, one seeks to maintain it or reinvoke it because this realm, when it is intensely felt - as is the case in many instances of experiences of conversion or initiation into a new spiritual tradition - brings one into a state of awareness which tends to dissolve many concerns or worries, and one feels like one is a dream-like state which is both very real and, yet, somehow removed from the rest of life.
Similarly, but in an opposite, antagonistic manner, the phenomenology of traversing the boundary into the realm of dissociation is experienced as being extremely painful and debilitating. In many ways, the emotional, existential, and spiritual pain, together with the dysfunctional life, which arise through conditions of dissociation such as alienation, anomie, de-realization, depersonalization, stress, confusion, uncertainty, loss of identity, purposelessness, and anxiety is so intense, that for many individuals, dissociation is a 'fate worse than death' - and, moreover, many people prefer the problems of becoming pathological, in some way, as a maladaptive coping strategy to the presence of dissociative pain simply because in such pathology there is a certain buffering quality against the felt presence of dissociation.
Phenomenologically, when an individual travels from within the arc of meaningfulness back across the boundary toward the center portion or toward dissociation, this process is felt to be quite disorienting, difficult, stressful, and emotionally painful. Alternatively, when one journeys from within the arc of dissociation toward either the center portion of the diagram or toward the boundary-arc of meaningfulness, this process is experienced as being very positive, liberating, and happy.
Given the choice between having meaning -- even if possibly false -- and being engulfed in a dissociative condition, not every one will opt for the latter, even though it might be closer to the current truth of things than is the former. Given such difficult choices, one may wish to linger over the decision and not rush to judgment.
Given the stark nature of the alternatives facing one, an individual might desperately try to reconcile seemingly disparate experiences, events, or pieces of information in a manner that favors perpetuating meaning over the possibility of dissociation. Confronted with such extremes of emotional consequences, a person might be forgiven if she or he wished to extend a few degrees of freedom to the inexplicable and, as a result, give the current framework of meaning -- problematic though it may be -- the benefit of a doubt, rather than plunge into the cold, dark waters of dissociation ... even though the latter action may be the step which is most courageous, honest, sincere, and truthful.
In the face of such diametrically opposite possibilities, one lives in the interstitial shadows of ambiguity, uncertainty, doubt, ignorance, the unknown - a harbinger of things to come if one should move further across the emotional and psychological boundary which marks departure from the teacher and/or group. This is an extremely painful position to be in, and the motivational forces are extremely strong in relation to inducing one to not only to refrain from crossing the aforementioned boundary, but, as well, to get rid of the doubts and suspicions one is entertaining, for occupying a state of emotional limbo is almost as bad - but not really - as entering into the state of dissociation on the other side of said boundary.
In most cases, unless a person can be motivated to trust the reasonableness of moving into dissociation - and the move is very counter-intuitive for most of us - then, there is a strong likelihood that a person will stay with a paradigm of meaning which, though flawed, in substantial ways, seems to be more emotionally satisfying than does the prospect of dissociation - especially, if the individual sees no readily available hope for finding a worthwhile exit from the condition of dissociation, once the current source of meaningfulness is left behind. Furthermore, the threat of continued dissociation is one of the primary reasons why some individuals, even after they manage to escape from a environment of thought control and spiritual abuse, will tend to seek out further abusive relationships, just to get another fix of the emotional and psychological 'Baba juice' (see below) that often is associated with the crossing-over of the boundary which separates meaningfulness from dissociation - the same boundary which, when re-crossed in the opposite direction (i.e., from meaning to dissociation), causes withdrawal-like symptoms due to the debilitating character of the dissociative symptoms that are encountered by an individual (Note:'Baba' means spiritual father, and the phrase 'Baba juice' is a term I have coined to allude to the trance-like state of ecstasy, liberation, contentment, and sense of well-being which occurs in some people when they are in the presence of a fraudulent Baba -- it is a very pleasant altered state of consciousness to be in but it is not a spiritually constructive condition ... in fact, quite the opposite).
Patterns of attitude formation, motivational networks, habits, and so on tend to be rooted in what operant learning theorists refer to as variable, intermittent schedule of reward contingencies. That is, something of a rewarding nature occurs in conjunction with a certain kind of activity, but, in subsequent life experiences, such rewards may not occur, except occasionally, if at all, but one continues on with such activity in the hope that such a reward will be forthcoming.
Once established, such learning linkages are very difficult to break. The gambler who rolls the dice one more time, the addict who seeks to recreate the first high, the promiscuous lover in search of the chemistry of that initial encounter of intimacy that came through the gaze or touch of another person, the seeker who longs for the return of an earlier feeling of ecstasy, well-being, peace, innocence, purpose, and meaning that occurred in relation with the meeting of a given 'teacher', are all potential examples of the principle of the a variable, intermittent reinforcement contingency in action.
Although, ultimately, the only thing which can extricate someone from such forces is the Grace of God, if one looks at the dynamics of the phenomenon from a lesser perspective, then, oftentimes, the only way to break free of the gravitational pull of such a set of circumstances (that is, the presence of variable, intermittent schedules of reinforcement, together with the desire to retain a sense of meaning, even if false, over the threat of impending dissociative states) is through the experience of traumatic events. In other words, if something happens between an individual and the teacher and/or group with whom that person is associating which violates, in no unmistakable way, the trust which ties that individual to the teacher, then, the trauma of that betrayal of trust may supply enough impetus to help the individual to cross the boundary into the dissociative condition and accept the reality of the latter state rather than continue on with a meaning system which has become spiritually bankrupt.
As was pointed in an earlier essay about the experience of grief and the process of grieving which accompanies the move across the border that demarcates previous meaning (false though it might have been) and present dissociation, the profound sadness, depression, and so on which tends to occur when a person begins to disengage from a teacher and/or group is an expression of the individual's sense of having been disconnected from the feeling of being 'real' and in touch with the truth, if only in a passing, indirect, and limited fashion.
At times, the pain which is felt in this condition of essential, dissociative betrayal is so intense, a person becomes vulnerable to being induced to re-crossing the boundary back into what is perceived as the framework of meaning which, previously, was associated with the alleged spiritual guide or group. Oftentimes, one will see an individual bounce back and forth across this boundary line before some final context of relative stability is achieved on one side, or the other, of the boundary line which separates continued association with the teacher and/or group from emotional and psychological disengagement.
The techniques which are used by a so-called spiritual teacher and/or group to induce people to cross the boundary line that demarcates being initiated into a framework of such pseudo- meaning (as opposed to the real and essential meaningfulness of truth) from a condition of dissociative vulnerability are numerous. Ericksonian-like hypnosis, trance inductions, or other forms of altered states of consciousness, love-bombing, isolation, sleep deprivation, neuro-linguistic programming, various forms of variable, intermittent schedules of reinforcement, re-framing, misdirection, disinformation, prolonged conditions of ambiguity or tension, disruption of normal forms of social support, the use of one's dependence on processes of consensual validation to undermine one's sense of reality, and so on, are but a few of the techniques that are employed to open up unsuspecting people to the 'joys' of being released from a condition of dissociation - 'joys' which are a collective way of referring to the administering of the 'Baba-juice' which arrives when one is given a new paradigm of meaning in an apparently extremely attractive package by someone called a 'shaykh' who seems to be the best friend one could ever have hoped for, and an immense 'blessing' which has come to one, by the Grace of God, which is so great that, heretofore, one could never have imagined it possible for such a person to be in one's life - until one learns otherwise ... which may be quite a few years down the road ... and one stares, once again, into the abyss of dissociation -- an abyss which has been made deeper, darker, and more hostile by the fact that one seemed to be so close to the truth, only to find one has been kept far from the truth of many things -- including the actual nature of the teacher and, most importantly, one's own relationship with one's essential potential since a fraudulent guide cannot help one realize that about which such individuals are fundamentally ignorant, though they pretend otherwise, and, for a time, we trusted them that they were telling the truth.
For lack of a better phrase, the foregoing approach to the issue of spiritual abuse is known as the 'mirror image' theory. It bears this name because of the character of the dynamics that occur at the boundary marker of demarcation between meaning and dissociation.
As one goes from relative dissociation into meaning, there is a gaining of a sense of freedom, release, peace, security, purpose, identity, acceptance, belonging, commitment, and so on which was not present in the condition of dissociation. As previously indicated, this is experienced as being joyful, happy, ecstatic, unburdening.
However, as one crosses back across the boundary in the opposite direction - that is, from meaning back to relative dissociation - one experiences the pain of losing a sense of freedom, release, peace, security, purpose, identity, acceptance, belonging and commitment. Instead, one feels shame, anxiety, guilt, depression, grief, sadness, depersonalization, de-realization, loss of identity, purpose, motivation, and the like - in other words, one's feelings and condition in this situation of dissociation are the mirror image of, or a direct reversal of, what was experienced as one crossed over into the so-called meaning side of the boundary marker.
When an individual comes to understand the nature of the spiritual abuse which has been perpetrated upon him or her, there is a certain, new realization which occurs, however inarticulate and vague this sort of realization may be. In this awareness, there is a sense that by having permitted oneself to be induced to cross the boundary from dissociation, or threatened dissociation, to the promised land of meaningfulness in the form of a relation with a certain alleged teacher or guide, one has made a maladaptive choice in coping strategy vis-a-vis the issue of dissociative trauma -- and, from a certain perspective, one's situation is worse than it was prior to one's encounter with the fraudulent teacher, and one has gone from the frying pan into the fire.
Prior to the appearance of the so-called teacher, there was a certain innocence, and, perhaps, naivete, to one's search for meaningfulness. But, once betrayed in an essential way, one feels cast adrift in the middle of nowhere with nothing to defend one against the approaching storm of dissociation -- with a feeling that there is no safe harbor to protect one, and no direction which one can trust - these are intense, destabilizing, and debilitating emotions which were not there prior to the advent of the so-called teacher.
Any program of counseling or therapy which does not take into account the profoundly intense dynamics of this boundary crossing phenomena and what is entailed going in either direction will have a difficult time helping a person to not only develop survival strategies with which to cope with the condition of dissociation. Moreover, failure to take such boundary dynamics into account may do considerable spiritual damage to the affected individual by leaving unaddressed the essential dimension of the grief which is at the heart of the re-entry process involving the condition of dissociation.
Although the mirror image theory which has been outlined above has been applied to a context of spiritual abuse, the potential relevancy of this framework does not end there. In whatever set of circumstances the issue of abuse arises - spousal, sexual, political, educational, or spiritual - the dynamics of the mirror image phenomenon are present, and if one wishes to gain insight into the nature of such abuse look to the way the threat of dissociation plays off against the struggle for meaning - even of a pathological kind - in the structuring of relationships.
Finally, from the perspective of this mirror image theory, there is a potential vulnerability in all of us with respect to the possibility of being induced to flee from the threat of dissociative trauma and into the embrace of paradigms of meaning. On the surface, such frameworks of meaning may appear to be a God-send, but, in reality they may turn out to be just another expression of the sort of problems which arise when we are trying to elude the undertow of the maelstrom of dissociation which haunts consciousness, and, as a result, we do not clearly see the nature of the alternative we are selecting as our way of responding to the presence of dissociative pain in our lives.
Under the right set of circumstances, almost all of us are vulnerable to committing such a mistake in judgment -- not necessarily because of any personal failing within us, or due to stupidity, or insincerity, or any other defect of character. Rather, we are all vulnerable to such a possibility, because of the very nature of being human -- a nature which is constantly being stalked by the very real threat of dissociative trauma, and with respect to which, we are constantly under pressure to discover viable ways of dodging such an existential bullet.
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