A Fate Worse Than Death
Several frequent, and related, questions concerning the experience of spiritual abuse are the following: (1) how does one become entangled in such abuse in the first place; (2) when one begins to see possible evidence for the presence of spiritually abusive activities, why is there an inclination to stay within such an environment; and, (3) once one decides to leave, why are there so many emotional, psychological and spiritual problems which tend to arise in conjunction with such a decision –– why is parting from an abusive context so sorrowful and difficult?
If one takes a look at the available literature, from Robert Jay Lifton, to Margaret Singer, Steve Hassan, the Cultic Journal, and beyond, there are a multiplicity of theories which are offered as ways of providing answers to the foregoing questions. Although all of these theories have their strengths and heuristic value, nonetheless, for a variety of reasons, I have never been completely satisfied with most of the explanations which are being, and have been, offered in these areas.
Consequently, I would like to outline another approach to the aforementioned questions. This new framework doesn’t necessarily explain everything that goes on with issues of spiritual abuse, moreover, there may be some individuals whose experiences do not resonate with what is about to be proposed, but I still believe that such a different perspective may lend, hopefully, a certain amount of insight into some of the dynamics which may be present in thought, mind, and heart control.
Before beginning to lay down foundations for the new conceptual paradigm, there are one or two comments which need to be made about the possible role of psychology in issues of spirituality. On the one hand, although my undergraduate training is in the area of social relations, with a special emphasis given to clinical settings, and despite the fact that I have a fair amount of experience in actual clinical environments, I also harbor a healthy amount of skepticism concerning a lot of the theories which are bandied about with respect to the character of human nature –– especially those that are heavily imbued with the biases of modern evolutionary theory and/or which are highly reductionistic in favor of some particular theory of psycho-dynamics such as that of Freud, Jung, Adler, Rank, Erickson, Horney, Sullivan, and so on.
All of the foregoing theorists, along with many others working within this general area of psycho-dynamics, have many interesting insights to offer and some of them may even be true in certain respects, but, on the whole, I find these theoretical frameworks far too simplistic to be accepted as serious models of human nature. One might be able to come up with a reasonably serviceable working model, if one were to: choose carefully from among the many theories of classical psychoanalytic thought, and, then, add certain components from Jung’s break-away responses to the Freudian school, together with the ego-focused contributions of a later generation of theorists (e.g., Erickson, Horney, Anna Freud, Sullivan), as well as some of the work of the existentialist and phenomenological writers (e.g., Binswanger, Laing, May), plus throw in a little of the ideas of the self-realization crowd (e.g., Maslow, Rogers, Perls, Frankl), along with various studies from social psychology (e.g., Festinger, Milgram, Schachter, and Zimbardo), the cognitive explorations of people like Jerome Bruner, George Miller, Roger Sperry, Howard Gardner, John Lorber, Gazzaniga, and Elizabeth Loftus), together with a dash of neuro-biochemistry (e.g., Candace Pert, Paul Pietsch, ), and, naturally, some of the work of the trans-personal schools of psychology (e.g., James, Lilly, Tart, and Ornstein).
There are numerous other names which could be added to the above list of individuals who have constructive, useful things to say about the complex, subtle, layered nature of being human. But, to all of this, one would have to include the writings of the great spiritual psychologists –– such as, in terms of the Sufi mystical tradition: al-Muhasibi, al-Ghazali, Ibn al-‘Arabi, and others –– in order to get a more fully rounded portrait of human nature and potential.
Unlike some individuals, I am neither ready to accept nor reject the findings of modern psychology, holus- bolus. Everything needs to be examined on a case by case basis.
Furthermore, just as modern physics may, up to a point, reveal certain laws and principles which are inherent in the way physical nature works, so too, there are facets of modern psychology which are reflective, to varying degrees, about some of the truth concerning the way human nature operates under certain conditions. However, in neither case, would I wish to reduce reality down to the limitations of the theories involving either modern physics or psychology.
Having given the foregoing qualifications, let me leap into the breach, so to speak, of the great unknown. This is sometimes referred to as ‘adding my two cents worth’ (after reading the following, some may feel that two cents is an over-valuing of the material), and as is the case with everything else which comes through me, if you like it, use it, and if you don’t, hit the delete button.
Let us begin with an observation. Under many circumstances, there seem to be, at least, two sets of, seemingly, antagonistic forces at work in human consciousness. One set of such forces is given expression through our struggle to discover the truth of things, while the other set of opposing forces is a manifestation of a tendency to hide, distort, or rebel against whatever the truth may be.
Deciding which is which in any given instance is not always an easy or problem-free task. Consequently, various kinds of methodologies are sought and/or developed in order to deal with the problem of trying to differentiate that which is true from that which is not true.
There are philosophical, scientific, theological, mathematical, psychological, mythological, sociological, political, economic and mystical methods for engaging the challenge of determining the truth. We tend to derive paradigms of meaning through the exercise of these methodologies, and these frameworks organize, shape, color, generate, and orient our interpretations and understandings of where we feel truth and falsehood are to be located within the realm of experience.
In addition to the aforementioned, two, broad, kind of forces, there also is a third set of forces at work in consciousness. This involves a tendency toward dissociation – which is neither a function of truth nor falsehood, but is, instead, an attractor-like basin which constantly pulls at us like a maelstrom from certain facets of the horizons of our awareness.
Dissociation is an experience consisting of a pervasive sense of having lost essential contact with: meaning, purpose, direction, belonging, acceptance, identity, and reality. The presence of dissociation gives rise to intense, often overpowering and debilitating, feelings of anxiety, fear, depersonalization, de-realization, alienation, emptiness, disconnection, cynicism, doubt, depression, sadness, hopelessness, and anomie.
The foregoing needs to be distinguished, to some extent, from many of the traditional, psychiatric modes of referring to the phenomenon of dissociation in which so-called dissociative disorders tend, in a sense, to be equated with the experience of dissociation. I would like to differentiate between, on the one hand, the trauma of the dissociative experience, as outlined in the preceding paragraph, and the pathological coping strategies and defense mechanisms which may arise in response to the trauma of dissociation.
From this perspective, the so-called dissociative disorders are an individual’s maladaptive responses to the continued presence of the intense pain of dissociative phenomenology. Dissociative disorders are the problems which arise –– such as multiple personality disorder, fugue states, and the like –– in reaction to the presence of dissociative trauma, but there is a difference between the trauma (over which the person may have little control) and the disorder which arises in relation to that trauma -- a disorder whose characteristics may reflect choices, such as they are, as well as individual vulnerabilities and/or inclinations of a person who develops such disorders. These disorders entail life problems for the individual because of their debilitating quality, but the existence of such problems seems to be a better proposition for an individual than the intense pain of the dissociative trauma which leads to the formation of symptamology inherent in a given disorder.
We seek meaning in our everyday lives and with respect to the big questions of existence because, among other things, if we don’t, we tend to drift into the gravitational pull of dissociation. In fact, the experience of dissociation is so painful – and we all have had encounters with this condition – that, in many cases we may not care whether the meanings through which we run our lives are true, or not – just as long as the howling, vicious dogs of dissociation are kept at bay.
Philosophy, science, technology, hobbies, games, careers, television, athletics, politics, social relationships, shopping, war, religion, therapy, and addictions are among the ways we use to, on the one hand, avoid listening to the call of dissociation, by, on the other hand, seeking to invest our lives with meaning, irrespective of whether such meaning structures may, or may not, have relevance to the truth in some ultimate sense. Truth may have priority in the scheme of things, but living in accordance with falsehood, whatever the associated problems may be, beats having to deal with the extreme unpleasantness and debilitation of dissociative states.
Whenever the promise of meaning enters our lives, we are induced to cross an emotional/physiological boundary which brings, to varying degrees, feelings of direction, purpose, identity, value, pleasure, happiness, belief, and motivation in conjunction with whatever the nature of the meaning may be. The more essential we feel such a sense of meaning is, the more intense are the emotions which are experienced in conjunction with such meaning.
In some instances (but not all) the rise of an interest in mystical pursuits, may occur in individuals who currently are struggling, or have been struggling for quite some time, with the currents of dissociation. The usual array of meanings associated with society, family, career, education, activities, and relationships have lost their attractiveness and appeal, and, at the very least, are seen as being unable to provide answers to the great questions of life – such as: Who am I? Why am I here? What is the purpose of life? How do I find the truth about Being? To what should I commit my time, energy, and resources?
If such people are strong, they may have tried a variety of different things in a search to distance themselves from the intensely uncomfortable feelings of dissociation. Yet, in one way or another, if what has been tried has not been successful in assuaging the demons of dissociation, then, they may be left with a taste of disappointment and promise gone astray, as they continue to manage the rest of their lives as best they can amidst the undertow of dissociation.
Some people refer to this quest in terms of a ‘holy longing’ – a desire for direct experience of the sacred realms and the Divine. One feels within oneself a deep thirst and hunger for an ineffable ‘something’ -- something beyond the ordinary doors of experience and perception ... something more essential and satisfyingly meaningful ... something life-defining.
Quite a few individuals spend their whole lives in pursuit of this elusive mystical will-o-the-wisp. When the quest gets bogged down in this or that way, they wonder if, perhaps, it is all just a figment of the imagination.
Then, it happens. They meet up, somehow, with a person or group which seems to offer an antidote to the poisons of dissociative trauma, and it is important to understand just how central and important such an event is in the life of an individual.
More specifically, all of us are a lot closer to dissociative dissolution than we may care to admit. We busily fill up the hours of our life with all manner of activity – much of it senseless, and there often is a frenetic quality to a great deal of our behavior in which issues of education, career, work, home, politics, hobbies, and leisure time become the basic sources of meaning-giving in our lives ... after all, if we don’t derive essential meaning from such activities, then, really, who are we and what is life actually about and what should be our true purpose?
For most of us –– some, sooner than others –– the capacity of normal life to supply us with the kind of meaningfulness into which we can sink our essence or soul begins to suffer from the law of diminishing returns. The more this sense of dissolution takes place, the more the threat of the pain of dissociative trauma looms on the horizon.
Some people, when they face this Rubicon of life, retreat into ever more frantic commitment to the surface features of life –– such as career, politics, family, home, and community activities. Other individuals, however, cannot go back and need something deeper in their lives to provide them with a sense of essential meaning, purpose, and identity, and so they cross into a battle with the unknown.
With respect to the latter group of people, there tends to be an urgency about their search. Part of this urgency comes from a vague sense of the enormity of the task in front of them and the concomitant realization that they cannot do what they need to do without some expert help –– someone to guide them through the unknown territory on the far shore.
Another part of the aforementioned urgency arises from the ominous threat of dissociative trauma nipping at their soul. They have sailed into the unknown, and they don’t know if they will find anything on the other side –– something which will help defend them against the maelstrom of dissociation which could suck them down into a bottomless abyss of loss of meaning, identity, purpose, peace, and stability with respect to lived existence.
Yet, when someone who, supposedly, is a spiritual guide or teacher enters their life, an, apparently, viable solution to the impending threat of dissociative trauma appears to take concrete, accessible form. When such an alleged guide appears charismatic, interesting, warm, friendly, compassionate, entertaining, wise, calm and in control of her or his life, it seems like manna from heaven.
They experience -- and it makes no difference, at the time, whether such experiences are rooted in truth or falsehood -- a deep, powerful, intense sense of apparent – possibly real -- love, acceptance, purpose, direction, honesty, compassion, kindness, generosity, identity, integrity, commitment, happiness, and community at the hands of a ‘teacher’ or those who are influenced by such a ‘teacher’. Among other things which are going on emotionally and psychologically, enkephalins and endorphins begin to flow in such substantial quantities that one may feel an encompassing sense of joy, ecstasy, happiness, well-being, peace, and security.
One feels one has arrived at one’s metaphysical, cosmic home. Furthermore, everything which is happening is framed in a way that suggests that what is going on is an expression of the presence of spiritual or mystical truth – and such a framing may be accurate, as far as it goes, or it may be false, but, in the beginning, the individual has no way of knowing for sure what is going on except that the demons of dissociation have dissipated, and the presence of a dynamic paradigm of meaning has entered one’s life.
In the imagery of the Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams, one feels that the presence of love, and associated qualities, has, finally, made one ‘real’, whole, alive, aware, and integrated. Whether this is really so, remains to be seen, but considerable time, experience, inquiry, and reflection will be necessary before one has enough information to be able to arrive at a reasonable assessment of the situation – especially if certain facts are being actively kept from one’s awareness, as is generally the case with respect to fraudulent spiritual guides.
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