Spiritual Health Learning Community Center Exploring Life's Horizons   »   Streams Menu A number of people visited Rabi'a when she was ill and inquired about her condition. She replied: 'By God, I know of no reason for my illness except that paradise was displayed to me, and I yearned after it in my heart, and I think my Lord was jealous for me, and reproached me so that only He can make me happy. - Abu Bakr al-Kalabadhi Jealousy To desire or covet what someone else has and to feel ill will toward those who have what we want, reveals a great deal, in a rather unflattering way, about what we think and feel toward others, ourselves and God. To begrudge others what they have, also displays a considerable ignorance on our part about the nature of reality. Sufi masters indicate jealousy is a function of two forces: passion and anger. Jealousy gives expression to passion through the aspect of coveting or desiring or longing which is directed at some object, process or situation. The dimension of anger in jealousy is displayed in the hostility, hatred, dislike, resentment or malice we feel toward those who have what we do not. The experience of jealousy is not precisely the same for everyone. The precise flavor of the experience will depend on a variety of things. For example, one factor will involve just how much passion and anger have been blended together to yield the state of jealousy. Some recipes for jealousy involve a lot of desire and only a modest amount of anger. Other concoctions of jealousy call for just a small portion of desire but spice it up with a considerable amount of anger. Some of these preparations follow a time-tested ritual which has been handed down from generation to generation. However, we all generally garnish these efforts with idiosyncratic ingredients drawn from life's experiences. In addition, the final flavor of jealousy will depend on how it is cooked. Some of us like to bring jealousy to a boil right away. Others among us prefer letting the pot simmer on a back burner. Jealousy is a sort of all purpose dish in the sense that it works with an incredible array of possibilities. Success, possessions, friends, power, talent, money, family, career, spirituality, health, education, status, fame, beauty, character, charisma, and happiness are just a few of the many choices we have. Furthermore, if we desire, we can bring these things together in lots of different combinations which may appeal to our individual palates. To be jealous, means we are basing our sense of identity and well-being on what we do not have and not on whom we are. We are defining ourselves by what is absent and not by what is present. To be jealous, indicates we believe clothes (or adornments) make the person. Alternatively, jealousy suggests we feel the clothes which are worn are an accurate indicator of the sort of person wearing them. As such, jealousy divulges a desperation to indulge in the superficial. To be jealous, is an admission that happiness is not a function of what is within us. Instead, we, in effect, have thrown in the towel. We have become convinced the keys to happiness are a matter of: "if only". If only we had this, we would be fulfilled. If only we were that, we would be content. If only this were to happen, we would be satisfied. If only we possessed such and such, then, people would know whom we are. We do not seem to understand that "if only" is a never-ending, receding horizon. The more quickly we run to grasp the apparent promise of "if only", the more quickly does the realization of its promise recede into the horizon. Even when the object of "if only" is acquired by us, we discover we still are not as fulfilled or as content or as satisfied as we previously had anticipated would be the case. We quickly move on to the next "if only" on our wish list. The horizon recedes some more. When we are jealous of others, we look through glasses which filter out everything but our passion and anger. We fail to see the reality of the context from which we have extricated the object of desire. We fail to see there are frequently strings attached to the objects of our desires. We believe money, fame, power and so on are just what the doctor ordered to get our lives back on track. When we hear of the troubles of famous, powerful and wealthy people, we say: "I wouldn't mind having some of that trouble". Yet, if by magic, we were given some of that trouble, we would find ourselves creating a new "if only" list. Every worldly object or situation which we possibly could desire is entangled in a variety of difficulties. This is the nature of the world. It cannot be otherwise. We have thousands of years of historical events which bear witness to the foregoing truth. All aspects of worldly processes have problematic strings attached to them. These strings will bind and constrain and entangle us in unpredictable ways. These strings will tie us, in one manner or another, to misery, pain, unhappiness, alienation, and emptiness. Nevertheless, we insist on seeing only what our passion and anger wish us to see. We believe snatching the cheese without getting caught is quite 'doable'. In fact, we see just the cheese, nothing else. The bitter irony in all this is as follows. Whether we get that for which we are jealous, or we do not get it, in both cases, we are caught and entangled. We either are ensnared by the attached strings which come with all worldly things, or we are bound up in the knots of our jealousy - jealousy being merely the world in disguise. When we are jealous of others, we are implicitly criticizing God. In effect, we are saying: "God, once again, has got things wrong. God has gone and given to someone else, something which, by rights, belongs to me". If this were not so, why, when we are jealous, do we begrudge others that which they have but which we covet for ourselves. Our passion is our justification and warrant for claiming the object of jealousy is, by rights, ours. Passion always assumes its desires are justified. Our anger is our authority for asserting that the object of our jealousy ought not to have been given to the other person. Anger always feels righteous in its displays. Our passion condemns God. Our anger condemns God. Yet, both modes of condemnation are subsidized by ignorance. We do not know why God gives certain things to others. We do not know why God has withheld those same things from us. We assume having is a desirable state of affairs. We presume not having is an undesirable condition. We do not consider the possibility that having may be a curse and not having a blessing. We do not entertain the possibility that God is trying to save us from ourselves. Tests and trials from God come in all manner of forms. Having and not having both, each in its own way, can be trials. God knows who needs which test. God has made no mistake in giving or in withholding. The mistake is ours. Our jealousy blinded us. Our jealousy misled us into supposing things ought to have been other than they are. Our jealousy tricked us into believing God doesn't know why things are being arranged in the way they are. Perhaps, instead of jealousy, we ought to feel compassion for those who have. They may be caught up in something which they really don't understand and from which, if they have any sense, they may be desperately seeking to extricate themselves. These people may have the cheese. However, they very well could be thinking: "If only I could get this bar, which is crushing me, off my back". If so, their plight and difficulty deserve our compassion. Indeed, there, but for the grace of God, we could be. | Return to Streams Menu | Copyright © 2004 Interrogative Imperative Institute. All Rights Reserved.