Expectations
Harboring expectations can be a major source of difficulty.
This is true both for people who are considering initiation, as
well as for those who already have stepped on to the path.
These expectations generally can be subsumed under roughly
five categories. More specifically, one can have expectations
in relation to: (1) God; (2) the spiritual guide; (3) the nature
of the mystical path; (4) the conduct and character of other
people on the path; and, (5) oneself.
One of the problems most of us have, in one form or another,
is we try to stuff God into our theories and conceptual
frameworks. On the basis of these perspectives, we develop a
series of expectations about what God should be and how
God should be.
Furthermore, we often set trials and tests which God is
expected to ace if Divinity is to pass muster. For example, we
may say to ourselves: "if God is to be a God worthy of our
praise and worship, then God must do this or that and,
thereby, meet our expectations of how God should act".
Alternatively, we may think to ourselves: if God wants our
spiritual business, then God must be able to satisfy our
carefully prepared 15-point diagnostic check list. We, then,
proceed to try to hoist God up on the examination table and
check for weaknesses, defects and warning signs.
Different people draw up different kinds of diagnostic check
lists to run God through. However, all of these lists are
rooted in expectations we have of how God should be.
We believe, for instance that God must be good, or God must
be a loving God, or God must be just. In addition, we have
our own incompletely worked out and, often inconsistent
theories of goodness, love and justice. We, then, proceed to
set up expectations which require God to conform to the
structural requirements and values embedded in our thinking.
Rarely, do we stop and seek to discover what goodness, or
love or justice mean to God. Rarely, do we ask ourselves
what, if anything justifies our theories of goodness, love or
justice.
Our opinions and beliefs are not justified just because we
hold them to be so. Where is the reality check in all of this?
From the perspective of Sufi masters, we distance ourselves
from God in direct proportion to the weight of the baggage of
expectations we try to impose on God. Indeed, expectations
are one of the ways through which veils of ignorance and
darkness are generated on the path.
Furthermore, Sufi masters suggest we have the cart before
the horse in this matter of expectation. If we wish to realize
what can be expected from God, then, first, come to know
God as God and not as a function of our theories about God.
Let us open ourselves up to the reality of God and let God
show us the errors in our various expectations.
People also can have strange sorts of expectations about a
spiritual guide. Upon meeting a teacher, we often expect: a
spiritual version of fireworks; or, a dazzling, ethereal floor
show; or, a display of beautiful, other-worldly lights and
auras to be radiating from the countenance of the shaykh; or,
breathtaking discourses which probe into the inner sanctum
of metaphysical truths.
If we don't experience these, we are disappointed. Our
expectations have been violated.
We begin to have doubts about the authenticity of the
teacher. After all, if this person were truly a spiritual guide,
then, surely, this individual would be this way or that way.
The irony of the situation is this. All of the things we,
however unfairly and unjustifiably, may expect concerning
the nature of a spiritual guide could be occurring before our
eyes, ears and minds, but we are too blind and ignorant to
grasp the reality of what is in front of us.
God is not under any obligation to disclose spiritual secrets
to every Tom, Dick and Mary who comes along. Similarly,
spiritual guides are under no compulsion to share their
secrets either.
In addition, we are being presumptuous to suppose our
condition is sufficiently worthy to be permitted access to such
realities. Although, sometimes, even when we are not worthy
of such participation, spiritual generosity comes to our
rescue.
In any event, the absence of perceived mystical "signs" in the
being or demeanor of someone who may or may not be a
genuine spiritual is neither here nor there. A person could be
an authentic teacher, and, yet, we might not sense anything
"special" about that person. At the same time, the absence of
visible marks of grace does not necessarily permit us to
conclude the individual is a genuine teacher who is merely
veiling herself or himself from others.
The fact of the matter is, if we really knew what was what,
spiritually speaking, we wouldn't be in the predicament of
having to find a teacher. In the mean time, we tend to thrash
around in the dense jungle of our expectations of things.
In concert with the foregoing kind of expectations, there is a
tendency on the part of many people to confuse the purely
human side of a teacher with the spiritual side of a teacher.
For example, we may meet someone who is, let us assume, a
genuine teacher.
Perhaps, we see this person eating, and we think to
ourselves: Gee! This person eats more than a guide should
eat; or, the way the teacher eats somehow doesn't sit right
with our expectations of how a spiritual person ought to eat -
whatever way that is.
Maybe the guide watches television or goes to movies. Again,
this may jar our spiritual sensibilities.
Maybe the teacher has interests or activities which are
inconsistent with our expectations concerning the nature of a
shaykh. Maybe the guide does not exhibit as much: patience,
tolerance, laughter, and so on, as we feel is appropriate or in
the way we deem to be proper.
Without, in any way, wishing to maintain that a spiritual
guide has license to do anything and everything he or she
pleases, and without wishing to say there are no constraints
of propriety within which a teacher is bound to operate,
nonetheless, there are degrees of freedom available to a
teacher. Through these permissible degrees of freedom, the
teacher can give expression to the purely human side without
compromising the spiritual side of things.
The friends of God come in many shapes, sizes, colors,
temperaments, and capacities. They are not all the same, nor
do they need to be.
The operative words in the above are "friends of God". A
friend of God makes sincere, heartfelt efforts not do anything
on the human side which might undermine, or adversely
affect, the spiritual side. God, on the other hand, permits
friends to have some discretion in how they conduct their
human lives.
However, sometimes, even friends make mistakes. When this
is brought to their attention by the Friend, they repent and
seek God's forgiveness.
Most of us, are not in any position to sort out possible
spiritual mistakes of the friends of God, from the degrees of
latitude which God has permitted to those same friends. To
be sure, one ought not to abandon one's capacity for critical
reflection in relation to such issues, nevertheless, one is
entering very dangerous and tricky territory when one
establishes a set of expectations to which the teacher must
conform in order to be adjudged an authentic teacher.
Almost everyone who is contemplating stepping onto the
mystical path or who already has done so, has many
expectations about the nature of the spiritual path. For
instance, one may have expectations about how easy or
difficult the mystical journey is going to be.
One also may have expectations about what one will receive
from pursuing the path, such as mystical powers, spiritual
gifts, visions, insights, goals and so on. In addition, one may
have expectations about how and when and where and why
mystical experiences take place.
One reads or hears about some of the mystical experiences of
others. As a result, one builds up expectations concerning the
arrival of such experiences in one's own case.
Sufi masters point out there are a number of things one can
do to help make the spiritual journey go more easily and
more quickly. One of these beneficial actions is to throw
overboard, without a life preserver, one's expectations about
the nature of the Sufi path. The sooner one does this, the
better off one will be.
Every spiritual journey is unique because everyone's
relationship with God is unique. While there are shared
themes and concerns from one journey to the next, one
should just let the path unfold of its own accord and in its
own way.
If we look after our responsibilities, the path will look after
its responsibilities. Expectations only delay and complicate
matters.
In addition to our expectations concerning God, the spiritual
guide and the nature of the mystical path, we also frequently
tend to have expectations with respect to other people, both
those on, as well as those outside of, the Sufi journey. For
instance, we may have expectations about how they ought to,
or will, behave or what they will and will not understand.
We also may have expectations about their interests,
commitments and values. Alternatively, we may have
expectations about what their lifestyle is like and so on.
Quite often, people who are not on a mystical journey, at
least in any discernible sense, will surprise one with the depth
of their understanding about spiritual matters. This surprise
is the result of an expectation concerning such people.
One could run into people outside of the path who may
exhibit a variety of spiritual qualities, commitments and
interests that one might have thought would only be found by
someone who had taken initiation with a spiritual guide. The
unexpected dimension of such an encounter is, once again,
the sign of an expectation which is being rebuffed.
On the other hand, one may meet with people who have
become initiated into a mystical tradition, and, yet, they don't
seem to understand anything of a spiritual nature. Moreover,
such people may not be leading the sort of lifestyle one
thought would be second nature to a wayfarer of the mystical
way. Here, too, expectations are being exposed.
According to the Sufi masters, the best policy is not to have
any expectations at all, either with respect to people on, or
outside of, the mystical path. If one does this, one will never
be disappointed, and, more often than not, one will be able to
appreciate people on their own terms.
We all have spiritual potential. We all have spiritual
problems. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We all
have dimensions we hold in common, and we all have our
unique qualities.
Sufi masters suggest we should not meet others with
expectations. Instead, we should meet them with friendship.
Finally, we all carry expectations concerning ourselves in
relationship to the mystical path. Some of these expectations
are rooted in low self-esteem. Other of these expectations are
embedded in high self-esteem.
The masters of the Sufi path suggest we dispense with both
kinds of expectations. The practitioners of the Sufi path
indicate that if we get rid of these kinds of expectations, then,
God willing, we will become receptive to truths about our
essential self which will put to shame both our sense of
low-esteem as well as our feelings of high-esteem.
| Return to Streams Menu |
|
