Adab
Adab or spiritual etiquette involves more than learning the
rules of social convention governing certain aspects of
interaction within a particular culture. In fact, there is no
guarantee that what passes as politeness or civility or proper
comportment on different social occasions within a given
culture and during a particular historical period will satisfy
the demands of adab or etiquette in the Sufi sense of the term.
To begin with, spiritual etiquette entails more than just
external behaviors. For example, even if one were very polite
to people, observing every custom or rule recognized in one's
society as appropriate to the situation at hand, one still might
violate the precepts of Sufi etiquette if one harbored ill-will,
envy, jealousy or contempt with respect to the people one
was engaging socially.
For the would-be Sufi, the outward and the inward condition
of the individual must be consonant and harmonious with one
another. In addition, the inner and outer condition of the
individual should constitute a constructive contribution to
social interaction.
Secondly, and in concert with the foregoing perspective, in
order to observe Sufi etiquette properly, one cannot be
indifferent to the people with whom one interacts. One must
have a genuine regard and concern for the people with whom
one deals, irrespective of whether one knows them or not
and, even more importantly, independently of whether they
share one's approach to life.
In the realm of conventional etiquette, rules of conduct are
often observed merely as a means of facilitating social
transactions so that everybody knows, more or less, what is
expected of them in any given set of circumstances. As such,
conventional etiquette, all too frequently, is a way of treading
lightly around people's feelings so that one never has to deal
with them as people.
Conventional etiquette is often, though not necessarily
always, a way of facilitating social interactions so that we
can slip past one another in the least problematic, and,
perhaps, most congenial manner. This approach is not
without its merits and practical value, but it tends to fall
considerably short of what the practitioners of Sufi adab
have in their minds and hearts.
There is a very genuine sense in which, for a Sufi, adab
cannot be observed in the absence of love. One must have
love: for God; for the servants of God; for the creation of
God, and for one's own existence.
Acts of etiquette which do not have some current of love
running through them are empty, perfunctory, shallow, and
superficial. These kind of acts may serve as a sort of glue
that helps maintain, to a degree, social cohesiveness, but they
also can become barriers to meaningful human contact by
helping us to avoid human beings in any essential sense.
Indeed, there may be considerable embarrassment and
confusion on the part of people if one goes beyond the
parameters of accepted norms as defined by conventional
etiquette. People tend to become suspicious of any sort of
friendliness, openness, sincerity, kindness, empathy or
concern which falls outside the rules of etiquette, precisely
because there is no rule of conventional etiquette for dealing
with these responses. Consequently, one is faced with the
daunting prospect of having to deal with people as people
and not as categories of rule application from a book of
social etiquette.
Etiquette needs to be something more than a set of rules for
navigating one's way through the minefields of social foibles.
It ought to be an art form which allows one to address the
essential needs of other people, while doing so in exactly the
manner, and to the degree, required by the circumstances at
hand. Of course, knowing what is required in a particular set
of circumstances and devising a method to address such
requirements in a balanced way, goes to the heart of the art
of spiritual etiquette.
The lessons of adab begin at the feet of one's teacher. If one
cannot learn to treat one's teacher with adab on the basis of
observing the care, love and consideration with which one's
teacher interacts with one, and others within the teaching
circle, then one will not be able to learn how to treat others
with proper adab.
Moreover, if one has no love or regard for one's teacher, one
will have no motivation to withstand, and persevere against,
the rigors and difficulties of the discipline or training which
must be undergone in order to absorb the lessons and art of
adab. Confronting and attempting to subdue one's hydra-like
short-comings in the observance and practice of spiritual
etiquette is very demanding and frustrating work.
However, knowing that one's teacher had to go through
exactly the same sort of process and is now transmitting to
one the fruits of such training, gives hope the journey is not
an impossible one. Indeed, the love and help one's teacher
currently is extending, is but a reflection and continuation of
the love and help one's teacher received from his or her
teacher in the past.
The teacher/devotee relationship is itself a manifestation of
the love and compassion which God has for the individual as
expressed through the dynamics of the teacher/learner
context. This tradition of love is the only medium of
transmission through which the art of spiritual etiquette can
be received and absorbed.
By watching the loving, patient, forbearing, compassionate,
sincere, and truthful manner in which the teacher interacts
with all people, both within, as well as outside, the teaching
circle, one develops a taste for, or sense, of the principles
underlying the expression of proper adab. By realizing, little
by little, the differences of intent, breadth, depth, richness
and subtlety between the adab of the teacher and one's own
efforts in these respects, one's own approach to the realm of
etiquette begins to become transformed.
With God's help, one begins to internalize these lessons. With
God's help, one begins to give expression to these values,
qualities and principles in one's daily activities.
With God's help, one begins to extend the circle of adab to
encompass not only one's teacher, but also the other
members of the circle. Furthermore, with God's help, one
begins implementing the requirements of adab in relation to:
one's self; one's family; one's community; one's country; the
world; nature; and, the entire universe.
| Return to Streams Menu |
|
