Streams to the Ocean - Essays for Everyday Life

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O people, you are the poor toward God, and God is the Independent. - [The Qur'an 35:15]

Dependence

For most of us, being dependent on others is an abhorrent, humiliating situation in which to be. We are brought up, by design and/or accident, to be self-reliant and independent.

Dependence, we feel, is a sign of weakness. It is an admission of failure.

Dependence carries an aura of childhood about it. We are not able to fend for ourselves. Decisions concerning our lives are made by other people.

Rightly or wrongly, dependence seems to be caught up with issues of competence. To be dependent, is to reveal some degree of diminished capacity.

Dependence has negative implications for self-esteem, integrity and honor. Dependence raises unsettling questions about identity.

Sufi masters tend to take a different slant on the issue of dependence. They contend that, given certain provisos, dependence is actually a spiritually desirable condition in which to be.

According to the practitioners of the Sufi path, the experience of dependence can be quite salutary. For example, the ego vehemently dislikes the condition of dependence. This is so for two reasons.

First, being dependent, creates a negative image problem for the ego. The dependent person is frequently looked down on by others. Dependent people are often treated with condescension and contempt.

Dependent people are easily dismissed as people of little, or no, importance. Dependent people are not considered to be the movers and shakers of industry and society.

People of dependence are rarely consulted or sought out for interviews. There is no glitz and glamour associated with dependence. It is not sexy.

For all of the foregoing reasons, the ego considers dependence to be something of a public relations disaster. Whenever the hint of a dependence scandal threatens to raise its ugly head, the ego turns the matter over to its spin doctors.

A second motive behind the intense dislike of the ego for the condition of dependence involves issues of freedom. The ego is happiest when it can do whatever it damn well pleases.

A person in the condition of dependence is, by definition, someone who is under constraint. Such an individual is not free to do whatever she or he would like to do. The extent of the constraints under which an individual operates is an index of that person's degree of dependence.

The ego does not handle restrictions well. Consequently, the prospect of dependence is an anathema to the ego.

To be cognizant of the various threads of dependence which are woven into our lives, is very hard on the ego. This awareness is a painful blow to our pride. Such understanding exposes our vulnerabilities. Our egos feel hemmed in by the restrictions on our freedom which are entailed by our different dependencies.

What is bad for the ego is good for the soul. From the perspective of Sufi masters, the condition of dependence helps put us in touch with some fundamental truths. The understanding which is rooted in these truths is very important to the possibility of making spiritual progress on the Sufi path.

The shaykhs of the Sufi way point out that the condition of dependence is, in fact, an accurate reflection of our actual situation in the scheme of things. The more we grow in spiritual understanding, the more we come to realize our essential dependence on God.

The air we breathe, the bodies we inhabit, the clothes we wear, the minds with which we reason, the work we do, the friends we have, the food we eat, the families that care for us, the money we spend, the health we enjoy, the talents from which we benefit, the roof over our head, our laughter, the opportunities which are given to us, and so on, are all from God. We are dependent on God for all of them.

In this sense, none of us are self-made individuals, no matter how much we might like to suppose so to the contrary. This remains true irrespective or whether or not we acknowledge the presence of the numerous currents of dependence in our lives.

Sufi masters recommend we seek independence from everything except God. "Things" and people are the loci of manifestation of God's grace, they are not the source of such grace.

Sufi masters juxtapose two contrasting pictures of the human condition. The more we look to things and/or people and/or ourselves as the solution to our problems, the more entangled in the world and ourselves we will become. Consequently, we will become more deeply immersed in a condition of negative, addictive and problematic dependence.

On the other hand, the more we look to God as the solution to our problems, the less entangled in the world and ourselves we will become. As a result, we will become, God willing, more deeply embedded in a condition of positive, liberating and beneficial dependence.

Dependence is a desirable spiritual condition when the focus of that dependence is exclusively on God. Dependence is an undesirable spiritual condition when one is caught up in the illusion one needs things or people to the exclusion of God.

To be dependent on God, however, does not give one the right to dismiss, or be arrogant toward, the means through which God supports and sustains one. According to the Sufi masters, one should express appreciation and gratitude to the way - be it person or thing, through which God has chosen to lend assistance.

To do so, helps one to develop in humility. This is something else the ego detests since humility is tantamount to admitting dependence.

Independence is a desirable spiritual condition when it is an expression of the realization of our essential freedom from all except God. Independence is an undesirable spiritual condition when it is an expression of the illusion that the ego is free from God, as well as from all things.

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